Putterings and Pondering

Pure?

2008-05-19T18:32:00.001-07:00

You Are 47% Pure

You're not so innocent... in fact, you're quite unpure.

You have seen and experienced a lot. And you're no worse for the wear!

The 100 Question Purity Test

City of God, sermon by Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori

2008-04-27T09:52:00.001-07:00

City of God, sermon by Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori

People often ask me why an Episcopal bishop would sign e-mails with the Hebrew word Shalom. I tell them that for me it is a continuing verbal symbol and reminder of what it is I'm supposed to be about, and in fact, what all Christians are supposed to be about.

That word “shalom” is usually translated as “peace”, but it's a far richer and deeper understanding of peace than we usually recognize. It's not just a 1070's era hippie holding up two fingers to greet a friend-”peace bro.” It isn't just telling two arguers to get over their differences. Shalom is a vision of the City of God on earth, a community where people are at peace with each other because each one has enough to eat, adequate shelter, medical care and meaningful work. Shalom is a city where justice is the rule of the day, where prejudice has vanished, where the diverse gifts with which we have been so abundantly blessed are equally valued.

The biblical image of Jerusalem is a city like that- that's what the “salem” part means. And that word for peace shows up all over the Middle East. Islam comes from the same root, and it means submitting one's will to God's in the search for that just community. The greeting we exchange with each other at the Eucharist is another reminder-”I will be in peace with you, let us be people of peace together.”

When Jesus goes back to his hometown and reads that passage from Isiah in the synagogue and says, “today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing,” he's talking about this version of shalom, the reign of God springing up all around. When he says, “Today, this has happened,” he doesn't mean that all the work's been done and finished, that God's reign is fully realized. I don't know about you, but I look around out there and see a fair bit of poverty, lots of prisoners, quite a few people with broken hearts, and lots who have no access to health care. The work is not finished, by a long shot! But we do see signs-interfaith networks and soup kitchens and music that brings balm to the wounded souls.

And we don't just see signs in the work that every parish does. Each one of us had the potential to be a partner in God's government, to be a co-creator of a good and whole and peaceful community. Each one of us has been given abundant gifts to do that work. All that's needed is a vision and a heart. The vision is one that Isaiah spells out-a society of peace and justice. The heart is a work in progress for all of us-sometimes a harder heart, sometimes a softened up enough to feel compassion, our hearts tell us to get off our duffs and use our gifts to do something about those people around us who are in pain, who don't know peace.

When you think about your gifts, consider what you're good at, what gets you up in the morning, where your passion is, what you love about living. For some, it's probably sports-soccer, swimming, golf, tennis, football. What in the world do they have to with Shalom or the reign of God? Whatever we do can be a witness, an example, that leads other people towards sharing our vision of Shalom. What's sometimes called old-fashioned sportsmanship is about treating our opponents with respect, and permitting them to have as much dignity as us, both in victory and defeat.

Some people are gifted as teachers, or parents, or mediators. How each one goes about living out that vocation can be part of building the reign of God. In lots of cities, I see people standing on the street selling newspapers, and I usually buy one. Most of the people I meet in that encounter are good ambassadors for what looks to be like the reign of God- they are happy to meet a stranger, and they treat this stranger with respect. The guys I meet do their work with a dignity that denies what most of society would say about them.

In the newspaper recently, there was a series of letters to the editor about a Muslim student who had left high school because of the way she'd been treated. Let's remember that our baptismal covenant does not distinguish between Christians and others- we promise, with God's help to see and serve Christ in all persons, and respect everyone's dignity, and it doesn't say anything about religion, gender, age, sexuality, nationality, and so on and so forth. The reign of God is not going to be realized until all of us can live together in peace. Those letters to the editor were from students at a local high school, inviting the young Muslim woman to join their school, where they believed she would be welcomed. The students who wrote those letters were using a public forum to build a more just society.

That's the kind of work each one of us has agreed to do: to use every resource at hand to build the reign of God- to use the gifts we have, the ones we think we might have, and the ones we haven't discovered yet, to be willing to speak aloud our vision of peace, whether in the newspaper of the halls of Congress, and to dedicate our lives to making that vision come alive, to give our hearts to it, to believe it, with every fiber of our being.

Building the reign of God is a great and bold adventure, and it the only route to being fully alive. If we don't set out to change the world, who will?

email poem!

2008-04-22T18:21:00.001-07:00

Sand and Stone

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HA D BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE! AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT'

This poor blog

2008-04-04T20:23:00.001-07:00

This blog has been seriously neglected because most of my pondering lately have been of a very personal nature and I have doing them in a notebook. I am considering blogging the exercises, because I have a few friends (wow imagine that, lol) who actual check this space out.

If I do blog the exercises from the book "The Four Day Win" it will be on a private blog. I really am an open book, so if you know me and want to be included as one who can read the private blog, drop me an email or post a reply here.

Until I work though these issues, this space will continue to be neglected. Thank you for your understanding.

And I leave you with this quote that I lifted from a friend's blog (thank you Susan):
"True healing has more to do with listening and unconditional love than fixing people." Gerald Jampolsky

Beauty of Math

2008-03-29T07:44:00.001-07:00

Is Math your strong point, this gives Math a whole new meaning - this is neat and I couldnt resist sharing this one.

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%

>From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to

GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help

answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Stations Of The Cross

2008-03-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

This service is geared towards the 3-7 yr old crowd, but it really moves me each year. The stations are 'told' storybook style by a storyteller who tells a first hand account of what they witnessed.

Station one: The arrest and trial, a disciple tells what she saw the night of the arrest and the trial with the high priests.

Stations two: Pontius Pilot, tells his version of what happened....
Station three: A woman in the crowd tells what she saw when Jesus was made to carry his cross through the streets.
Station four: Mary Magdeline tells what she saw, felt, and heard sitting at the foot of the cross waiting for Jesus to die. (this was the story I told tonight which is why there is no storyteller pictured:) )
Station five: A witness to the death tells what was he was thinking and feeling about the whole ordeal, and how Jesus' last words changed him.

I don't know what moves me more, the way the kids really begin to understand the story, or the stories themselves. I love the solemn quiet of the noon service, I love the beautiful haunting music of the evening service, but this simple little service with the one song "Were you there" is still the most powerful of the three. I think part of it is how much emphasis is put on making it family friendly and not 'dumbed down' or 'oversimplified' it hits real raw emotions by making the stations so personal. Real live breathing people experienced this very real event.

No matter where I fall on the Resurrection issue, the Last Supper, Jesus' Trial, the beatings, the Crucifixion were very real events that changed the world forever. The pain is fresh every year.

Were you there when they crucified my Lord ?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord ?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they crucified my Lord ?

Were you there when they nailed him to the tree ?
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree ?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree ?

Were you there when they pierced him in the side ?
Were you there when they pierced him in the side ?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they pierced him in the side ?

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb ?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb ?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb ?

I really like this paper by Athena!

2008-03-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

Athena Rose

English 102

Joy K

28 February 2008

Voting Race, Not Issues.

“Do you want to go down in history as the one to prevent a Black from winning the White House?” This is the question that Super-delegate Cleaver was asked by Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr of Illinois (politicalticker.com). This assumes that races feel a need to band together regardless of the issues just to elect a person of a specific race into office. Jackson confirmed this conversation and added that the dilemma may pose a career risk for some black politicians. The dilemma he is referring to is the one where many Black Super-delegates had confirmed their support for Clinton, but now their Black districts have voted for Obama. This of course is just one issue in a bundle of many. Not only are there conflicts with Blacks and Whites, but Asians and Latinos have taken a role in the polls.

So far in this campaign, Asians are the one ethnic group that has voted most consistently for Clinton, with the single exception of Hawaii where Obama lived and has family. This has generated a debate that has raised a very touchy and ugly question: Could some Asian Americans not be voting for Obama because he is Black (Cullen)?

Cullen claims Clinton has grabbed hold of the Asian community. In California, Asians make up 8% of the electorate, a CNN poll found they voted three to one in her favor. New York's Asian Legal Defense Fund found that 87% of Asian Democrats back their state's Senator and in New Jersey she pulled 73% of the Asian vote.

Even though Asian cultures are patriarchal, and Clinton is the only female candidate in the field, Asians are finding her a more attractive candidate. Cullen explains despite their cultures, many immigrants from those countries may in fact be more familiar than Americans with a female leader: Indira Gandhi in India, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo in the Philippines, Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan. And many of those leaders, like Clinton, were married to or descended from former leaders.

While Asians make up just 5% of the population and may not have the numbers to change the nomination one way or another, their overwhelming support for Clinton has led to serious debate about what lies behind it all. Experts have thought about various possible reasons little to do with race. But the touchy question about race is the one getting the most attention (Cullen).

When CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 ran a segment by Gary Touchman implying that racism may play a role in Asian's voting choice, the outcry was instantaneous. Cullen reported that the 80-20 Initiative, a political action committee seeking to solidify at least 80% of Asians in one voting bloc to back Clinton, put together a petition demanding that CNN run a corrected segment..

Still, the idea has stirred some debate in the community.

“Maybe it's just my cynicism speaking, but you look at those numbers and on some level there has to be some element of race,” says Oliver Wang, a sociology professor at California State University at Long Beach. While not discounting the myriad cultural reasons that could explain the support for Clinton, “on a gut level my reaction is that at least some Asian Americans are uncomfortable voting for a black candidate. The images of African Americans that get exported to other cultures is not often positive,” says Wang who teachers about pop culture and race. “It's unusual to find new immigrants who have ever had a meaningful, personal encounter with an African American. So there's a very uninformed bias,” says Wang. “Obama is a different kind of African American,” he adds. “His background doesn't date back to slavery; he is half black, half white; he grew up in Indonesia and Hawaii. In other words he's no Al Sharpton. But those nuances get lost when someone comes from a foreign country. To them, it doesn't translate.” (Cullen 2008)

Wang told Cullen that he is a child of Taiwanese immigrants, even though he was born and grew up in the US. He believes it is the foreign-born Asians who are leading the Clinton support groups. All the talk of change reminds them of the unstable governments they left. That is most plausible non-racial reason for the Asians as a whole supporting Clinton in record numbers.

This may also be part of the reason Clinton has such strong support within the Latino community. Wagtendonk explains that on Super Tuesday, Clinton lost every primary except New York where she received 74% of the Latino vote and in California she received 66% of the Latino vote, more than double that of Obama. These two states had the highest percent of Spanish Speaking voters on 'Super Tuesday.' Her support by the Latino community continued when in New Mexico, Clinton received over 56% of the Latino vote.

Traditionally, there has been a strong rivalry between Spanish Speaking people and African Americans. Each group feeling threaten by the successes of the other. This would make many Latino voters think very hard before casting a vote for a African American man. However, Wagtendonk explains that unlike Asians and African Americans, Latinos are a much less homogeneous community, so this race was expected to be a tight one all the way to the finish.

Juan Williams, in an NPR interview, explained how voting along racial lines is especially strong between Latinos and Blacks. More than two-thirds of the Latino votes cast so far have gone to Senator Clinton. The more than 8.5 million Latinos in Texas helped give her the win over Obama by a 63% to 35% ratio.

Even with the support of two racial communities, Clinton is struggling because the African American community is beginning to pull together behind Obama. In Louisiana, where over half the voters are Black, Obama received 86% of the votes. Williams explains that over 80% of the Black Democrats are voting for Obama, while 60% of the White Democrats are voting for Clinton in the Southern States.

While Senator Clinton won the Ohio Primary, the exit polls showed that race and change were the biggest reasons people gave for choosing their candidate. In Ohio, Blacks make up 19% of the Democrats, but they voted for Obama 89% of the time. Even though Clinton spent millions running ads saying she was all about 'change' those voters who thought change was most the most important deciding factor voted for Obama, 63% of the time (Stein).

Recent polls show that Black women are expected to make up more than a third of all Democratic voters in the South. These women are in an unexpected dilemma, they are the first to ask themselves “Do I vote my gender or my race?” No other political bloc in the country faces this choice (Kaye).

Randi Kaye, a reporter for CNN, went to a hair salon to interview some of these women. Hairdresser Shontell Horlback, who is undecided, says, “It's not like I'm selling out, not that I'm not keeping it real 'cause I am, but keeping it real means the best candidate for the job.” Angela Jackson, the owner of the salon, is out numbered. She supports Clinton. She defends this support by saying “They don't pay my bills. And they are not attached to my belly. Nobody is attached to my belly, but me. They don't feed me, clothe me, I don't care what they think...she's a woman, I'm a woman.” Many of the women in the salon said that they see Michelle Obama as a 'Rock Star', they say they are impressed with her strength and like the idea of a strong Black Woman in the White House. One Obama supporter, Toni Dawson, said “I made the decision, because with Hillary so many Republicans and Independents hate her, that if she was to become President, I think she would get nothing done....With Obama, he is a fresh face. I think he could unite everybody (Kaye).”

Kaye also spoke with Democratic analyst, Jehmu Greene.

Greene said, “We've all wanted the day to come where there was a Black person in the White House, and a time where there was going to be a woman in the the White House. I don't think we imagined it would have to be one or the other.” Geene also said that Black women, including herself, face serious pressure to vote their race. In the Black community, there is an assumption that race trumps gender. “Black women are really politically savvy, and the question of experience is weighing heavy on their mind. Maybe race does trump gender as they're looking at this decision, but I think they also put a very high premium on experience, and that in itself is the real dilemma they are facing.”

Black Super-delegates are being pressured to release their support for Clinton. Black Super-delegates Lewis and Scott, are reflecting on how elected Black officials are being told not to get in the way of a Black becoming President. They are being pressured to vote the same way as their districts, even though the White Super-Delegates who support Obama, who have districts that support Clinton, are not receiving the same pressure. Everyone will be watching to see if the Super-Delegates overturn the election of the people (politicalticker.com).

References

Cullen, Lisa (2008). “Does Obama Have An Asian Problem?”

Retrieved February 28, 2008

from http://www.time.com/time

/printout/0,8816,1714292,00.html

Kaye, Randi (2008). “Gender or Race: Black Women Voters Face Tough Choices in S.C.”

Retrieved March 6, 2008

from http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLOTICS/01/21/blackwomen.voters

Politicalticker.com, (2008). “Some Black Superdelegates Reassess Clinton Support.”

Retrieved February 28, 2008

from http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/02

/14/some-black-superdelegates-reassess-clinton-support/.

Stein, Sam (2008) “Ohio Exit Polls Show Clinton's Late Attacks Worked”

Retrieved March 6, 2008

from www.thehuffingtonpost.com

Wagtendonk, Reinout (2008). “Hillary Clinton's Hopes Pinned On Latino Vote”

Retrieved February 28, 2008

from http://www.radionetherlands.nl

/currentaffairs/080228-hillary-texas

Williams, Juan (2008) Morning Addition on NPR

Interviewed on February 11, 2008

from www.NPR.com

Sisters

2008-03-05T14:17:00.001-08:00

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,

drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As

they talked about life, about marriage, about the

responsibilities of life and the obligations of

adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her

glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance

upon her daughter

'Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling

the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll

be more important as you get older. No matter how

much you love your husband, no matter how much you

love the children you may have, you are still going

to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now

and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...

your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other

women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women

always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman

thought. Haven't I just gotten married?

Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a

married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely

my husband and the family we may start will be all I

need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact

with her Sisters and made more women friends each

year. As the years tumbled by, one after another,

she gradually came to understand that her Mom really

knew what she was talking about. As time and nature

work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,

Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world,

here is what I've learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how

many miles are

between you. A girl friend is never farther away

than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you

have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life

will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,

praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on

your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the

valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk

beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,

daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,

Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended

family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and

neither would I. When we began this adventure called

womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or

sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we

would need each other.

Bar Stool Economics

2008-02-28T18:15:00.000-08:00

Bar Stool Economics: Our Tax System Explained

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1.

The sixth would pay $3.

The seventh would pay $7.

The eighth would pay $12.

The ninth would pay $18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed
quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
'Since you are all such good customers,' he said,
'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.'

Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so

the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share,
then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill
by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free.
But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'
'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too.

It's unfair that he got ten times more than I got'

'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two?
The wealthy get all the breaks!'
'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison.
'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks so the nine sat down and
had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important.
They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors,
is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes
get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them
for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

MagMyPic

2008-02-24T11:46:00.000-08:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Discount Magazine Subscriptions - Save big!

I just got this from a blog a read. It was easy and fun.

Sorry no original thoughts lately, most too personal even for here.

Hey I am 6:49am....

2008-02-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

You're the time of day right around sunrise, when the sky is still a pale bluish gray. The streets are empty, and the grass and leaves are a little bit sparkly with dew. You are the sound of a few chirpy birds outside the window. You are quiet, peaceful, and contemplative. If you move slowly, it's not because you're lazy – it's because you know there's no reason to rush. You move like a relaxed cat, pausing for deep stretches that make your muscles feel alive. You are long sips of tea or coffee (out of a mug that's held with both hands) that slowly warm your insides just as the sun is brightening the sky.

17% of the people who took this quiz got the same evaluation.

If you click the banner you can take the quiz too, let me know your results!

Memory Lane

2008-02-09T21:28:00.001-08:00

This library is next door to where Nathan practiced today. I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that a huge chunk of who I am was formed in this building. My first introduction to art was here, my first acting classes were here, my reading skills were developed here, my sense of self was probably discovered here.....I know my LOVE of books was nurtured here.
This passageway was my "Alice Tunnel", let's follow it....
After going through the dark and spooky tunnel (at least to a 7 year old it was) you come out into my play yard.
Here is the Great Tree that listened to all my secrets. She blooms with the largest pure white magnolia flowers you have ever seen each year. (Funny aside, the green building in the background was were Kayleigh had her 1st non-college apt. and the church in the background is an Episcopal one. It shares the parking lot with the Catholic college)
The window in the middle was my mom's office window.
This was the door to the Covenent, but now it is the Nursing Dept.
The second floor on the left, where the windows look a little greener, is the chapel. At least I think it is still a chapel. I didn't get to go in and look.
Then back through the "Alice Tunnel".
Another view of the Library and Science buildings. Where I learned how rats are tested for psychology and I participated in many experiments too.
After coming out of the tunnel, if you look the other way, you see the other library I spent quite a bit of time at. It is the city's main public branch.
A little more background story.....This is Spalding College (now Spalding University), my mom got a job here when I was 7 yrs old. I rode the city bus from my school to the bus stop about 6 blocks from here and then walked, checked in with my mom, then ran the campus. I was almost 13 years old before I was allowed to go home after school. I think I was only allowed then because my sister was finally in school and rode a school bus and I had to be home to babysit her.

It has only been the last few years that I have understood the impact of my early freedom and of literally growing up on a college campus. I was never treated like a child, I was allowed to walk into just about any class I wanted as long as I was quiet, I ran errands for the office workers, studied with the college students, modeled for art classes, participated in psychology experiments, worshiped with the Sisters, had formal tea in the formal drawing room two afternoons a week, and just wondered and wandered......

One week.....

2008-01-30T17:28:00.000-08:00

It has been one week since my last entry. I was talking to someone today and we kept asking each other 'where did January go?'

January 1st-4th were spent getting ready for Kayleigh's visit and the 12th night feast for 30 guest.

January 4th-6th were spent visiting with my friends and family.

January 7th was my last semi-normal day for a long time.

January 8th I spent the whole day starting at 7 am with my mom on and off the phone with nurses trying to control the nausea and pain. At 6:00pm we called EMS and they took her to the hospital.

January 9th was spent talking to medical staff for my mom who wouldn't--could talk for herself ad was still in quite a bit of pain, until about noon....then she was finally given something strong enough to knock her out.

January 10th I heard, "your mom has a few months" a couple hours later "well, maybe it is closer to a few weeks" a couple hours later "just a few day"..... I spent the entire day in uncontrollable tears.... I was there for her last rites service and when they moved her to the Hospice Inpatient Care Center..... I finally went to bed for the first time in over 60 hours.

January 11th-13th I was saying goodbye to my mom, bonding with family and friends, sharing grief through tears and laughter.

January 14th-19th I visited with more family and friends, I put together a scrapbook of photos of my mom's life, my sister and I planned Mom's memorial service, I tried to sleep, I tried to get started on the mountain of paper work that goes with a death.

January 20th, I spent with friends and family with a great breakfast, then the beautiful service, then more quiet time with special friends.

January 21st I baked and baked and baked then delivered the baked goods to the hospital and hospice center.

January 22nd more important visiting and grieving.

January 23rd-25th I started back with my 'normal schedule'. It felt odd in a way, but so right in another. Slowly, the kids have talked about mom, the way we miss her and things are different without her here.

January 26th was all about paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!!!!

January 27th I was very sick, still more paperwork, and then spent the evening at a dance exhibition.

January 28th back in the groove with the kids, we were so busy it was hard to keep up.

January 29th a few students, but mostly paperwork, phone calls, searching for lost papers, trying to schedule appointments.....my dad came over and took me to dinner and let me just ramble.

January 30....today...full 'normal' day......for the most part that is what I think tomorrow will be like, and the day after that and so on and so on....

It has been a full life changing month, but it has only been a month...actually only 17 days since she died...it feels like it didn't really happen, that it just happened, and that it happened a lifetime ago...all at the same time. I am SO ready for Lent!

I guess that is where January went......I wonder if linear time will ever make sense to me!

Mom's Memorial service

2008-01-23T15:12:00.000-08:00

The service itself was based on the Burial of the Dead: Rite Two service from 1979 BCP. My sister and I however, tweaked it to fit our needs and feelings about our mom. We wanted a service that not only expressed what she was about, but also help comfort and bring together those who were mourning her.

First my sister and I asked for a full Communion Service, it was great that the Bishop who presided over her service thought it was a good idea too. In his homily he told everyone there that by coming to the communion rail they would be as close to Mom as possible since all time is eternal during Communion, we celebrate with all the company of heaven.

The first two readings were common enough for a typical funeral. The first being:

The First Lesson Isaiah 61:1-3

The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion – to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit. They will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, to display his glory.

The second being the 23rd Psalm in the King James Version. The next two readings, however, were very unusual for a memorial service and the Bishop wasn't sure at first, but after the service he told us how powerful they were in combination and for a Memorial especially so.

The Epistle 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Gospel Luke 12:22-31

He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you – you of little faith! And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, strive for his^* kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

The music was perfect too. The organist played her Celtic selections before and after, Amazing Grace jut before the Gospel, What Child Is This (music only) during the preparing of Communion, Let us Break Bread Together after Communion, and Lord of the Dance (there is a link to the lyrics if you don't know the song) as the Recessional.

Since there was no grave site to go visit, we had a reception in the Parish Hall of the church. More than 2/3's of the over 175 people who attended, stayed to eat, drink, hug, cry, laugh, look at pictures and just be with each other. I felt so much love, peace and support it was amazing. The reception was a gift from a 40 yr plus friend of the family and her daughters. The set-up was simple, but condusive to mingling and sitting down for more serious conversations. There were people there from all the different areas of my mom's life and all the different times in her life. People who often fought with her, but loved her just as passionately, were the ones I think that will miss her the most.

As I was talking to a friend after it was all over, the thought came to me that in her brief 60 years she did live a full life. I find comfort in the Trinity of the Goddess (maiden, mother, crone) my mom spent almost exactly 20 years in each 'phase'. She completed the cycle, for me that more than anything brought comfort, peace, and closure. She left nothing undone.

My sister Susan and 'other' sister Jennifer.
My sister and long time family friend Michelle.
My step-dad and my mom's adpoted mom, Ginny.
Athena with her dance teachers (these are also the wonderful women-minus one- who prepared and cleaned up the reception!)
Bishop Reed and other member of our old parish St. John's.
Athena with many of her friends who all called Mom grandma or Aunt Barb.
Me with a very close friend that I don't get to see very often anymore.
Jennifer and her kiddos.
Nathan, his girlfriend and his grandpa on his father's side.

Kayleigh, George, and Dirk's Dad, Papaw.
Amber, Kayleigh, Brandon, MaryRose, P't...all of whom called Mom, Grandma.

Current (and one former) students... I think it was good for them to see how many people, and different types of people, loved Mom and wanted to say goodbye.

Who was my mom?

2008-01-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

Barbara Ann Sexton Bannister Ross

November 16, 1946 - January 14, 2008

Barbara was born in Bethesda, MD. She was the third child of five (John, Katherine, Marie, Hope) after the death of their father they moved, with their mother, into the Veterans of Foreign Wars Homes (VFW) in Eaton Rapids, MI. There she met and grew up with Ken Bannister. She graduated from Eaton Rapids High School in 1964. Barb and Ken were married in January 1965. They moved to Oshkosh, WI where their first child Sandie was born later that year. In 1967, they lost a child, Michael, when he was born with polycystic kidneys. For a fresh start and to be close to Ken’s family they moved to Louisville, KY. Soon after arriving in Louisville, they found St. John’s Episcopal Church. That church became the cornerstone of their support system when they lost a daughter, Terri, also to polycystic kidneys. In 1971, Barb and Ken’s youngest daughter Susan was born. St. John’s continued to be an important part of the family’s life for the next 40 years.

The other group of people that changed Barb’s life forever belonged to The Charles L. Shedd Association. With them, she learned specific multi-sensory techniques for tutoring children with learning disabilities. Since she and both the girls were dyslexic, this association provided guidance, support, and education for many years. During this time in her life, she worked for both Spalding and Bellarmine Universities. She continuously availed herself of the opportunity to pursue Liberal Arts Studies course work. She tutored and mentored young college students far from home. She wanted to make their transition into adulthood as smooth as possible.

In 1984, Barb and Ken divorced. In 1986, Barb married SFC Steven Ross, who was employed by the US Army. She moved to Germany with him while he finished his current assignment. They came home to Louisville for a couple years before being sent to Canada for Steve’s final station assignment. Since the couple lived off base, both assignments made many special friends in each country. These friends have been a constant and continuing source of joy and support.

The new century brought many changes. She, Steve, Sandie and Dirk decided to purchase a home for the purpose of providing a special place for home-schooled students to learn and grow together. For the last eight years of her life, Barb was able to work daily with her three grandchildren and other students sharing her love of books and mathematics. She not only educated students in reading, writing and arithmetic, but also in life lessons of wisdom, and manners with much love.

Broken Reflections

2008-01-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

I posted a version of this picture on my 365 blog, it seems like months ago, but it really was just a little more than a week ago. It was last Monday to be exact. I took it the day my mom admitted her memories were all mixed up. She had called me quite a few times in a panic not knowing what day it was, what time it was, or what had just happened. I think it was the first day I really and truly admitted to myself that the cancer was in her brain and that her tiredness and confusion wasn't just the chemo side effects.

It looks like a brain trying to remember to me. In the first version the reflections are even harder to see, in this version, while the memories are still broken they are beautiful and clear. The water looks calm, beautiful and deep. The colors are rich and peaceful. As I have been working on building a scrapbook of my mom's life today, stories are pouring in through emails about how Mom changed lives, I realized this photograph also represents my memories of my mom. I will never see her full reflection, it will be constantly broken because she lived a full life outside my awareness, but the memories people are sharing are deep and beautiful.

How did I get from one vision to the other?... Friendship. A friend knew I wasn't totally happy with the first version so she tweaked' and deepened the image for me. My mom's friends are tweaking and deepening my memories of her too. I am realizing a clean, clear simple reflection is boring....one broken with rough spots, twists, turns, and twigs is much more fascinating.

Caught in the middle

2008-01-07T08:40:00.001-08:00

This weekend just brought home even more how the roles and relationships we have within our family change when we aren't looking. No one ever told me that before I was 43 I would be the middle man between one life just beginning and one life coming to a close, both of them looking to me to smooth the transistion. As strange as it sounds I want it all to slow down, so that I can enjoy and savor each moment.

I am joyful and even a touch envious for the wonderful wedding Kayleigh (and I guess George too) will have. I hate that my mom is in both mental and physical pain, but at the same time I really enjoy her company and dry humor. Somedays I do feel literally ripped in two, but other days, more days, I feel made whole and completed by these two amazing women..without whom I would not be who I am. Most of the time I really like that person.

Yesterday, I pondered light and water

2008-01-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

Exposure: 0.033 sec (1/30)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 210mm

Exposure: 0.022 sec (1/45)
Aperture: f/4.5
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 110mm

Exposure: 0.022 sec (1/45)
Aperture: f/11
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 70mm

I have lots of thoughts, but all of them metaphorical and no time to explain them. General themes of light/ shadow; moving water/still water; and rocks were all on my mine. Today it is enough to know I was still and pondered even if for just a little while.

Today, I pondered Histograms

2008-01-03T15:14:00.001-08:00

When I first got my camera I accidentally hit the button that showed the histogram every time I took a shot. I wasn't even sure what I was looking at so I was glad when I figured out how to turn it off.

Then while reading the DPS forum, I learned what it was for and how to use it. Today, I went for a walk in my yard and used the histogram to get proper lighting and exposures over the whole shot. After looking at the histogram I would adjust the shutter speeds up or down. Usually, I had the 'proper' exposure within 3-5 shots. Here is an article that was linked at DPS that really helped.

Since I finally got these three to upload, I will use them as my example. It was MUCH easier to see the differences in the histograms than it was to see the differences in on the LCD screen. I am super excited to keep learning how to use this new tool.

Exposure: 0.004 sec (1/250)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV

Exposure: 0.002 sec (1/500)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV

Exposure: 0.001 sec (1/1000)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV

Another New Year.....

2007-12-31T21:17:00.000-08:00

1966 was my first new year, so I don't remember it very well. ;) Other than mixed up memories of childhood New Years, no one New Year stands out until 1982 when I threw a costume party for my friends. It was a wonderful New Year, everything I could want it to be. I felt pretty, funny, happy and well loved. In 1983 was the New Years of every parents worst fears.... in involved way too much alcohol, too much travel, too many strangers, I think I was really lucky to have lived through it.

Then came the year 1984, little did I know that was to be my last 'single' New Year's Celebration. It was mine and Dirk's first date. We were married in October, so the year 1985 was my first New Year as a married woman, 1986 was my first (and only) New Year being 8 months pregnant, and 1987 was my first New Year as a college student. Then they all start running together again.

My favorite New Years were when we went to the cabin as a family, and then later just Dirk and myself. It has been a couple years since we have gotten away, but just reading, talking and processing the past year together was always special. Making plans for the New Year, walking in the quiet woods, and sleeping late cuddled together against the cold will always be the memories I hold dear.

This year is the year that will be remember as the beginning of major changes. A couple I am upset about: 1) for the first time my sister and I really totally disagree on appropriate parenting rules. Nathan is being allowed to spend the night at his girlfriend's house and Athena is being allowed to have a party with highschool girls and college boys with no adult supervision; 2) Mom's cancer is agressive and causing her lots of pain. 3) Dirk is on so many medications that even he doesn't remember what they are all for-- he talked about how much better he could think when he ran out of them a couple weeks ago, but then he went right back on as soon as he got home. 4) My weight is so hard to deal with, it takes so much work and focus and I don't know where that time and focus is going to come from.

Now the changes I am happy about: 1) Kayleigh is getting married and is doing what is necessary to finish her degree! 2) Athena will have a great schedule and classes she likes this semester. 3) Dirk is working hard to develop the acting, writing, and composing connections he made doing It's A Wonderful Life! 4) Nathan understands his job and driver's permit depend on his academics and he is no longer doing just the bare minimum. He is really working and wanting to do well. 5) Mom has a great doctor who listens and works with her!!! 6) My step-dad should be leaving for Iraq to drive support trucks for the military. He is excited and wants to go, it will also help ease some of the financial stress we have found ourselves in this year. 7) I ended the year with a 12 lb net weight loss for the first time in many, many years!!! Maybe I have some sort of handle on this disease. 8) I have a positive attitude and I believe it will be a great year. 9) I have a great new camera and with the help of DPS I will learn how to use it and photoshop. 10) I have a loving and supportive group of friends both on and off line!

John the Baptist

2007-12-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

December 16 John the Baptist: Mark 1:1-8 Symbols: shell with water, river

I got behind again...

2007-12-17T15:42:00.000-08:00

I missed David and Solomon, hopefully I will get them later, but just to get sort of caught up I am posting a couple Holy Family shots for Joseph and Mary.

December 14 Joseph: Matt. 1:18-25 Symbols: hammer, saw, chisel, angle

December 15 Mary: Matt. 1:18-25; Luke 1:26-38 Symbols: lily, crown of stars, pierced heart

Two, I got behind a day, again

2007-12-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

Jesse was a Shepherd, so here is my shepherd shot for the day.
December 11 Jesse: 1 Sam. 16:1-13 Symbols: crimson robe, shepherd's staff

Samuel was in bed, and this is what I see when I lie in bed at night with my lamp on.
December 10 Samuel: 1 Sam. 3:1-18 Symbols: lamp, temple

Moses

2007-12-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Usually, you show Moses as a baby to relate him baby Jesus, but this screamed Moses on the Mountian speaking to God to me yesterday.

December 9 Moses: Ex. 2:1-10 Symbols: baby in basket, river and rushes

Joseph

2007-12-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

December 8 Joseph: Gen. 37:23-28; 45:3-15 Symbols: bucket, well, coins, tunic, stars

Jacob

2007-12-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

December 7 Jacob: Gen. 25:1-34; 28:10-15 Symbols: kettle, ladder

Thursday

2007-12-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

December 6 Isaac: Gen. 22:1-14 Symbols: bundle of wood, altar, ram in bush

For Wednesday

2007-12-06T17:03:00.001-08:00

December 5 Abraham: Gen. 12:1-3 Symbols: torch, sword, mountain, tent

This is actually an ornament from the last set the kids made together. Again, it is not as creative as I hoped for, but making it through the Jesse Tree symbols is important to me.

Noah, a bit more literal than I wanted....

2007-12-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

December 4 Noah: Gen. 6:5-8, 13-22; 7:17, 23, 24; 8:1, 6-22 Symbols: ark, animals, dove, rainbow

Fall of Mankind or Birth of Wisdom?

2007-12-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

December 3 Fall of Man: Gen. 3:1-7 and 23-24 Symbols: tree, serpent, apple with bite

Jesse Tree

2007-12-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

When the kids were little, we made Jesse tree ornaments. One each day of Advent and hung them on the garland above the fireplace. Since I have no little ones to make ornaments with, and this is a tradition I seriously miss, I am going to try and shoot a Jesse Tree image each day for this page.

December 1 Creation: Gen. 1:1-31; 2:1-4 Symbols: sun, moon, stars, animals, earth

December 2 Adam and Eve: Gen. 2:7-9, 18-24 Symbols: tree, man, woman

An essay by Athena

2007-11-12T04:49:00.000-08:00

Athena has written quite a few interesting essays for English this year, but I thought my feminist friends out there would really like this one. I think it is kind of creative and of course very clever :)

I believe it is obvious that Rich thinks reading comes first in the reading-writing-learning process. “My own luck was being born white and middle class into a house full of books with a father who encouraged me to read and write.” (542) She called these books her teachers, “literary masters”, that she needed to please, or at least not displease.

How can you call a book a master? Here is an example of how I used Rich as my 'teacher'.

Me: Isn't all feminism about hating men?

Rich: My anger and frustration were hard to acknowledge in or out of poems because in fact I cared a great deal about my husband and my children. (546) Much of woman's poetry has been of the nature of the blues song: a cry of pain, of victimization, or a lyric of seduction. And today, much poetry by women is charged with anger. I think we need to go through that anger or risk betraying our own reality. (550)

Me: How do you find the balance between being a poet and being a mom, without resenting being a mom?

Rich: At twenty-nine, I felt guilt toward the people closest to me, and guilty toward my own being. There must be ways, and we will be finding out more and more about them, in which the energy of all creation and all the energy of relation can be united. (546)

Me: Are you saying those ways are for me to explore as a female poet?

Rich: A new generation of women poets is already working out of the psychic energy released when women begin to move out towards what the feminist philosopher Mary Daly has described as the “new space” on the bounds of patriarchy.(550)

Me: But aren't these women talking about hate too?

Rich: Women are speaking to and of women in these poems, out of a newly released courage to name, to love each other, to share risk and grief and celebration.(550)

By dialogging with the author I was more open to her position. When I first read the piece I had some old walls and barriers up, so it was hard for me to hear her story. These questions helped me see her as an individual as opposed to a “feminist.” I could pretend that I was talking directly to her, then read her work to find the answers to my questions. It took me three or four times of reading to actually hear Rich answer my last question about hate.

That statement shifted the whole passage for me. If I hadn't been willing to ask her questions, I wouldn't have actually heard some of the important things she had to say. If I hadn't started seeing her in a new way, I would not have pulled out my old poems. By reading my poems in a new way, I learned something about myself and Rich's position on women poets.

Rich was also surprised that when she went back and reread her own work she learned more about herself. I can see her point that females write about females in terms of how men define them. I was actually surprised because I thought my poetry was from within me. It was startling to see how much of it was about not being the perfect woman for a man or the fear of not living up to the 'societal standards' of womanhood.

She also said that when women were looking for inspiration, they were not finding themselves. “what she does not find is that absorbed, drudging, puzzled, sometimes inspired creature, herself, who sits at a desk trying to put words together.” (543) When learning you want to see yourself in the literature. Too often, the girls in literature that are closest to me are the “male fantasy” or the “super-bitch” I find that very frustrating. I would love to see a well rounded college girl, in a movie or a book.

I have never considered myself a feminist, but I have thought of myself as a poet. This piece caused me to have many important self-realizations. The first being that not all feminism is about hate. The second being that I am not as original a poet as I thought I was. The third being that reading a piece you think you are going to disagree with can actually teach you about yourself. All three of the self-realizations were a surprise to me.

Our First Game Station.....

2007-11-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

Due to the generosity of a friend, we have our first PS2 in the house. It was never that I was against gaming systems, it was just that they were very low on my radar and even lower on my priority list. We were the kind of family that went 15 years without a tv, then for a long time we only had one in the family room. Now, we have had more computers than members of the household for years and all of us have played games on them, so it wasn't games I was hesitant about.

When the girls were little, we were at dance or gymnastics until bedtime. Nathan, who was usually along for the ride, took a class here and there, but was happy to sit and play with his cars on the studio floor while the girls were in class. During the day his toys were blocks, Marble Works, Lincoln Logs, etc.... or he was outside playing.

One day, after visiting some friends, he did ask for a system and got one that mostly stayed at his dad's house. I am not sure whatever happened to that system, but he didn't stay interested in it for very long. Then came the advent of all these musical video games.
Not only was I more interested, he was really captivated. He played them everywhere he could.. Stores, friend's houses, arcades.... he talked about them all the time. I was ready to try and find a good used system. (I have learned not to get 'new' stuff until they will play with/use the used stuff for over a year. ) As I was asking advice from my friend she suprised me with one. Just in one day, I have noticed positive things!

The music on his favorite game is classic rock, which I strongly prefer to gansta rap. It got everyone laughing and playing together. Nathan and Dirk have had a rougher time getting along this year since they are with each other just about everyday, but today they were really sharing in something wonderful. It stopped being about the game for me, it started being about the way the two of them were bonding again. Athena was over for a short time and even she jumped in and then 'hung out' with us longer than usual. She sat at the table and ate lunch with me, talking about guys, school, dance, and life. In the background Nathan and Dirk laughing, classic rock playing, and everything was right with the world.

There are angels among us, even when they don't know it. When they touch our lives, the bad stuff seems to drift away. Thank you again, Kim, you really are an angel!

Queen of the world!

2007-10-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

Another Sunday Scribblings.....

If I woke up Queen of the world my first act would be.......

I have actually been thinking about this since I read it on Friday. Then I made the mistake of reading a few before posting my own. So many, many cool ideas out there, but this one by Raymond Pert took my first idea and wrote about it better than I ever could have. So, I kept thinking and pondering, then it hit me, I finally knew what my first act as Queen of the World would be....

I would declare that everyone, everywhere would have to stop what they were doing, embrace the person or couple of people closest to them and hold them for 5 full minutes. No talking, no kissing, just hold them still and quietly. No sounds except that of heartbeats and breathing. Then at the end of 5 minutes they would look into each other's eyes and tell each other (one at a time) that the Queen loves them and needs them to build a better world. They would say to the other person your gifts and passions are vital to this new world. This would have to happen once a day, at the same time everyday.

Then I would declare a mandatory Sabbath. All people in the communities would gather once a week to eat, drink, sing, laugh, cry, play, pray, read, debate, and just be together. At these gatherings there would be no cell phones, no computers, no tv, no ipods....... There would be board games, books, paper, pencils, art supplies, musical instruments, food, wine, comfortable seating, lots of pillows and fire (either a bonfire or a big fire place).

If you want to read more King and Queen stories click here.

Jobs....

2007-10-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

I think I am ready to jump back into pondering and this Sunday Scribbling is a good one.

First job, my very first 'real' job was as a tutor for students with learning disabilities. I was 13 years old and made an unbelievable $10 an hour, 8 hours a week. The only reason I had the job was because I had been a student in the same tutoring program since I was 6 years old. I knew the ins and outs, the methods, the materials, the philosophy, and I was really good at it. I taught math and auditory discrimination skills. I had to take the city bus to my job one day week, then my dad picked me up. The other day of the week my mom took me because she was also a tutor and my sister was still a student. I have bitter sweet memories of this time and this program that was a just about a daily part of my life for over thirty years. I felt very grown up.

My worst job was with the same program just jump ten years. By this time I had gotten married, had a baby, gone to college, accepted custodianship of my neice and nephew, and returned to work full-time for this group. I was director of their Montessori program. I loved many things about the job, but the pay and the board of directors made my life hell. I was expected to work 60+ hours a week for less than $1200 a month. The politics about which families had to pay full tuition and who didn't drove me mad. The way the board constantly interfered with which kids should be removed from the program and which should continue frustrated me beyond belief. I was the one responsible( for the kids and the budget), but really had little to no authority. What made this even more of a nightmare was the fact that these were the people I had grown up admiring and wanting to be like. They were my heroes and role models. Finding out they were petty back-stabbing gossips destroyed my confidence in myself for many years.

My best job and my ideal job are the same. They are the job I have right now. I love everything about what I do and I wake up everyday thankful that people are willing to pay me to do it. I am an educational mentor. I work mostly with homeschooled teens. Many of the kids I work with are gifted, learning disabled, physically challenged, and often have behavior challenges. Since I work with the chidren in all subjects and across all grades I can put them in groups that meet their needs. I can also guide and inspire, seeing the good while working on the bad. These teens keep me on my toes and challenge me to be my best everyday. Watching them mature and being part of that process is a balm to my soul. I feel needed and like I am making a difference.

To read more about Jobs check out Sunday Scribblings.

Sunday Scribbles

2007-07-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

Wicked....

When I hear the word wicked, I think of Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked this Way Comes. I love this novel because of the themes, learning to not desire the undesirable, to be comfortable in your own skin, and not being tempted by 'the green on the other side.' These are the ways you resist wickedness. They are the ways you conquer evil. More often than not we are our own undoing. This story shows how we destroy ourselves, because the wickedness comes from within us. There is no boggieman, except for the one we create.

The next thing that comes to mind is the quote from McBeth, "by the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes" said by the witches. I get that prickly feeling when a bad person is near. It almost gives me chills, but again Macbeth was his own undoing. He had a pretty good life, but wanted more and that is what the witches promised. In his mind the end justified the means. When we start thinking that way, we are truly on our way to real wickedness.

Click here for more wicked thoughts!

hmmm

2007-07-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

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Theology Meme

2007-07-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

I saw this meme on The Church Geek's blog, so I thought I’d play along:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 high), how would you rate your theological knowledge and breadth/depth of reading?
Overall probably a 5, I have a general breadth, but I only have depth in the ancient and medieval theologians. I have very little knowledge of the theological debates of the last 100 yrs.

2. What thoughts and feelings come to your mind when you hear the word “theology”?
To me, theology is just a fancy word for working out how humans relate to God and vise-versa.

3. Who is your favorite theologian, and why?
It is hard to pick just one, but if I think about someone I read over and over, it would have to be Julian of Norwich. Her images of Christ as mother and lover, mean a lot to me.

4. Who is your least favorite theologian, and why?
Is Jerry B. Jenkins, considered a theologian?! He wrote those awful Left Behind books. I think his theology is just wrong, but so many have bought it hook, line, and sinker. Charles M. Sheldon would be a close second for the WWJD craze that was almost as bad.

5. Which theologians have you been meaning to read, but have not gotten to yet?
Rosemary Radford Ruether (I have only skimmed her work), Dietrich Bonhoeffer (I have read about him, just not much of his work), Gustavo Gutierrez (I have an interest in Liberation Theology and he was recommended)....

6. If you are Catholic, can you name a favorite Protestant theologian, and if Protestant, Catholic?
I am very much in the middle between the two and don't really consider myself either one. SO, my favorite Catholic theologian is Thomas Merton, I enjoy reading and thinking about everything I can get my hands on by him. And my favorite Protestant theologian is John Shelby Spong, not because I agree with him, but because he asks really great questions!

7. What theologies do you love like a rescue dog that saved your life?
I get pretty passionate when discussing exegesis, and other things that have to do with interpretations and how to interpret.

8. What theologies do you see commonly abused and wish people would stop it?
I don't know the name of it, but it has to do with 'winning souls' for Christ. People who go on mission trips to see how many of the 'unclean' they can personally bring to Christ. The mission is a success if X number of souls are 'won'. It is all about the conversion moment and not the journey.

9. What theologies do you think are from the pit of hell, inspired by demonic powers?
Eschatology, yuck, yuck, yuck! I think using future fears or rewards to motivate people to do the right thing now is just twisted! I think the whole rapture movement gives the wrong picture of Christ.

10. What theological concept is most needed but ignored in contemporary Christianity?
I would like to see more and learn more about Liberation Theology and the Divine Feminine. I see more that bashes them then actually discusses the ideas they bring up. I think both concepts have a lot to say to the average person.

I have got to summerize this week!

2007-07-21T05:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday, I spent most of the day online and working on lesson plans from the coming year. We moved some furniture around to see how it 'felt' and we went to a couple stores to price new living room pieces.

Monday, was pretty frustrating. I went to see my accountant. She told me I had to raise my prices by 1/3 to break even. We also did some research and found that cottage schools and private schools in my area charge double to quadriple what I charge for fewer hours, larger class sizes, and no personal mentoring/tutoring. I can't figure out why I feel quilty for raising my prices, but I seriously do. My accountant says it is all about my feelings of self-worth and that I am not valuing myself or my skills enough. She is frustrated with me because I pay my housekeeper, my tutors and even my students and parents who do work exchange for tuition well, but I don't expect the same for myself. I didn't think you were supposed to cry at the accountant's office.

Then to top Monday off, I was supposed to come home to finish the house cleaning with Dirk and Nathan, and both of them disappeared for the whole day. It was also Mom's big chemo day. She felt pretty good when she got home, but the weeks when she gets both meds are the hardest.

Tuesday, I worked with 4 students, did some housekeeping and cooking, and waited for a visit from my aunt and uncle. About 4pm we got a call saying my aunt had just been admitted to a local hospital because they thought she had a stoke. It was a bit disconcerting to say the least. Mom didn't feel strong enough or well enough to go to the hospital to see my aunt and my uncle didn't feel like he could leave her because every time she seemed to be getting well, she would have a bad spell. (She is ok, they ruled out stroke and many more serious things. It seems to be migrain related)

Wednesday, I worked with 3 students, did more cooking for Nathan's B-day. His day kind of got lost in the shuffle of people to and from the hospital. He had a nice group of friends come over after dance class and help him eat his DQ cake and watch a movie. I finally got to go to the hospital to see my aunt, it was a nice visit. My sister went to the airport to get my cousin. Mom was not feeling well at all, she had a strong cough she couldn't shake and every movement made her nauseous.

Thursday, I worked with 4 students, we did lots and lots of MATH in the morning and played our role playing game in the afternoon. We also did quite a bit of cleaning. It was nice to have their help. Mom was hitting her worst day as far as feeling sick and weak goes. Dirk was also having a bad day. It was getting ready to storm and that pressure makes all his pain issues much worse.

When the storms came I lost a tree and lots of branches. The tree blocked our drive just as a new parent was coming for an entrance interview. Dirk went out in the storm to move it with the tractor, but it was too heavy for our little tractor. After fighting the tree and losing(with bruises and a couple deep scratches as battle wounds), he came in changed out of his ripped and soaked clothes and took some food up to the hospital for my aunt and uncle.

Friday, I had two students and all they wanted to do was rearrange the furniture again and cook. However, before that happened we did a math lesson. They are on the last few lessons of the Saxon Alg. I book and many of the concepts and formulas are proving to be a challenge for them.

My aunt was released from the hospital and made it to our house to see my mom! We had a nice brunch of quiche and fruit. It was a great visit, even if too short. My aunt was still a bit weak and my mom was better, but still tires fast. It was wonderful to see my cousin and my uncle as well. They are both funny and tell good stories.

And now it is Saturday, my challenge for the day is to pay too many bills with too little money and move more furniture around! It is a total transformation of the house, but I am liking the direction it is going. I also have to seriously investigate a leak. It looks like the downstairs toilet is leaking under the wall and into the adjoining room. I have also been thinking about the Sunday Scribble topic of 'wicked' and I plan on picking up a copy of Harry today to.

another personality test!

2007-07-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

It was a fun test to take. I like the way it lets you use a sliding bar and even a grid format rather than multiple choice or yes-no answers. Here is what it said about me:

You are an Inventor

Your imagination, self-reliance, openness to new things, and appreciation for utility combine to make you an INVENTOR.

You have the confidence to make your visions into reality, and you are willing to consider many alternatives to get that done.

The full spectrum of possibilities in the world intrigues you—you're not limited by pre-conceived notions of how things should be.

Problem-solving is a specialty of yours, owing to your persistence, curiosity, and understanding of how things work.

Your vision allows you to identify what's missing from a given situation, and your creativity allows you to fill in the gaps.

Your awareness of how things function gives you the ability to come up with new uses for common objects.

It is more interesting for you to pursue excitement than it is to get caught up in a routine.

Although understanding details is not difficult for you, you specialize in seeing the bigger picture and don't get caught up in specifics.

You tend to more proactive than reactive—you don't just wait for things to come to you.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Try applying your creativity to more artistic arenas, and letting your imagination take less practical forms.

how you relate to others

You are Considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

If you want to be different:

Because other people would benefit immensely from your understanding and insight, you should try to be more outgoing in social situations, even when they make you uncomfortable. Others will want to hear what you have to say!

Hair

2007-07-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

Sunday Scribblings

Hair....

We don't realize how much of our identity, sexuality, and self-confidence is wraped up in our hair until it is gone. Maybe, it is because it is one feature we have some control over. Unlike our noses, we can decide how long our hair will be. Unlike our eyes, we can easily change the color of our hair. Unlike our weight, it seems easy to change the volume of our hair with curls or straight irons. It is how others identify us, "the girl with red hair, the man with the black curls." It is how we attract and maybe even keep our partners.

If you see a man with very long hair, he is making a social statement. A woman with really long hair is making a religious statement. A teen with a pink mohawk is making a personal statement. A young male with a shaved head is making a political statement. Why do people with straight hair spend so much on perms, while those with curls spend so much on straighteners. Are they trying to make a statement or have they bought into the "fashion industry's" line that none of us are good enough the way we were created? All the money spend, tears shed, and assumed misconceptions, just because of a few million cells coming from the tops of our heads. If none of us had hair, what yard stick would we use to size people up?

Our hair is often a connection to our family and our heritage. It can also be a painful reminder of not fitting into the family, like being the only wavy blonde in a family with straight black hair. People often think they can tell someone's race by the color and texture of hair. They think they can tell just about everything about us by our hair. The question it leaves me with is do we try on the "hair" because we want the stereotypes and fantasies that go with it to be associated with us, or are the stereotypes based on the personalities of the people who make the choices?

Make sure to read the other great posts on hair by clicking here, it seems this sparked lots of thoughts this week!

Saint Theresa's Prayer

2007-07-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Slippery.....

2007-07-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the wonderful thoughts of those who post their Sunday Scribblings for a few weeks now. Two very good online friends participate regularly. I am jumping in, with a 10 minute freewrite.

The topic this week "slippery."

When I think of the word "Slippery" these are the first things that come to mind: emotions, life, finances, relationships, memory, strength, health, ice, water.... it is strange to me that ice and water, the literal definitions were the last to come to mind. It is also strange that as soon as I started thinking in the concrete the thoughts stopped.

A slippery life can feel like it is just slipping through your fingers and the more you try and grab it the less of a hold you have. Life should be slippery and smooth, silky and sensual. To often it feels more like a wrestling an oiled pig, not very enjoyable at all and too much energy for too little reward.

A slippery, smooth, silky, sensual life would be one that was fully in the moment, alive, moving forward and enjoyed to the maximum. Really good ice cream, sun rays peeking through the clouds, a great wine, wonderful sex, amazing chocolate, playing with a baby, beautiful clothes, big beautiful flowers, feeling the Peace of God, and lots and lots of laughter. It would be a rich life, fully lived within a greater Community. The Peace would slip right through your fingers and into someone elses, as more and more continues to slip your way.

My 10 minutes is up...

Another Sunday Summary....

2007-07-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Monday: Went to visit Otter Creek as a location for Kayleigh's wedding. It inspired lots of field trips and programs for the kids too. When we got back Mom was home from chemo and doing ok. Dirk went to bed and woke up a couple hours later with very high blood pressure. Not good and a bit of a scare.

Tuesday: one student showed up, Dirk was still having trouble controlling his BP, but Mom was doing ok. She had to go in early to get a scan of her spine where they think the cancer might have spread. I went to get the meds for Dirk.

Wednesday: One different student showed up, Dirk is still not getting his BP under control and Mom is loosing handfuls of hair. Even when you know it is coming, it still takes a little to get used to. I did grill and watch 1776, but other than that it was a very uneventful day.

Thursday: Three students, Dirk still has high BP, but feeling better and pulse is much better. Mom is not having a good day.

Friday: WOW, this is the kind of day you might think back and laugh at in 20 years or so. Four Students all using the day as make-up. The day starts out just fine, boys are working in the yard, Dirk and Mom are doing well, and I am feeling like I am getting lots of planning done for the Fall Quarter. Then about mid-morning the boys decide it would be fun to drive Dirk's car up the drive way and back, our driveway is over a 1/4 of a mile long. Nathan had left the keys in it so that all of them could listen to the music while working outside, something else I don't allow! They are allowed to take out radios or personal music devices, but Nathan has been told before my cars are not personal stereos!Anyway Nathan went off in a different car to get the mail and the other boys 'chased' him in Dirk's car. Nathan has been given permission in the past to move the cars while he is working on them, but he has also been told not to do it while other students are on property. All plans I had for the rest of the day were put on hold while I dealt with these guys. Everything is worked out now, they have some stiff consequences to follow through on, but I think they matured quite a bit in just a couple hours. I know I age a few years in the same couple of hours :)

Then around 4pm I was told we would be having 12-15 people for dinner. Most of them teens, but also my BIL and FIL whom I really enjoy having. Problem was I had been planning on going to the store on Friday morning. We were out of everything. I made a quick dash up to Mejiers and got the food to fix a nice picnic cook-out. Even though it wasn't served until 7:30 it was a great meal! Chicken-kabobs, hamburgers, hotdogs, roasted corn, mushrooms-onions-peppers-fennel-kabobs, carrots, salad, with fresh watermelon and cantalope for dessert.

By 9:30 I dropped into bed!

Saturday: I slept in until 9am, got up took care of Mom and Dirk. Both were doing pretty well. I worked on curriculum, bills, and watched a few shows stored on the DVR. Then I got ready and went shopping. Dirk went with me. He wanted to start at Whole Foods since it is the only place in town to get the gluten free, wheat free type startches that we are trying to switch too and the bulk beans, nuts and rices we use. I don't like the part of town this Whole Foods is located in... it is in the very uppermiddle class, we shop here because it is the fashionable thing to do... part of town and just being in the same very crowded store with them make me uncomfortable! Then we go to Mejiers for much of the meat and frozen veggies that I get. I can't wait until we can join the grass-fed meat coop this fall! All shopping together took over 3 hours and cost about $600. The majority of the food will last 4-6 weeks with only trips to get fruit and veggies at the farmer's market the only extras. When you are feeding 5-6 people three meals a day, even if the food only lasts 4 weeks I still think we are doing pretty well.

Then Nathan who had cleaned the kitchen and done laundry while we were gone, ask us to take him to the movies when we got back and had dinner. So we went to see Evan Almightly. It was a cute film. I am glad we went because it might encourage filmmakers to make more like this one. I enjoyed it, but Dirk really loved it. I think he identified a lot with the main character.

Sunday: Finds me not at church yet again. Today it was just a matter of oversleeping. I had every intention of going when I went to bed last night, but I didn't even begin to wake up until 10:15am and to get to chuch I would have to leave by 10:30. Athena and Nathan left on time and I am glad they went. I had a couple very strange dreams that I can still remember vividly!

One: I was in an elevator and it was not only going down too fast, it was going down too far, and then it started getting smaller. No matter which buttons I pushed it wouldn't stop falling or shrinking.

Two: I was tutoring for an association that I tutored for a teen and young adult. I kept going into the different rooms and asking how I could help out and all I got were giggles and "no, your not needed here, go away"

Three: I was driving around looking for something and I kept falling alseep at the wheel. It was very spooky. I was lost, alone in the car, but trying to get somewhere important (don't know where) , but I couldn't stay awake.

I don't think you need to know much about dreams to know that my mind is trying to deal with the daily stress :)

Fair Schooling Choices.....

2007-07-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

Here is a pretty balanced article on the recent Supreme Court Decision. And here is a blog post by Julie that wrestles with the decision. Julie asked me what I thought a fair plan would be.

First and foremost I think the choice of the parents should count the most. Students should be allowed to attend their first choice schools as long as there are openings. A way to really do this is to give the money the government 'assigns' each student to the parent to 'spend' how they see fit.

In an article I read recently the author said something like, "We all want safe, reliable sources of food, but we don't want the government running 90% of the restaurants, supermarkets, and farms. The same is should be true for schools, we want safe, reliable schools, but the government should not be in the business of education."

The one thing I have seen is that when parents and students choose their educational instruction they already have a greater investment in that program. Why can't all schools be privatized? Many things we rely on everyday are: food, internet, utilities, mass transit, garbage pick-up, prisions, etc.... These things are necessary for our daily lives and we don't need the government running them. Overseeing maybe, but not running. When people have to make choices and investments they choose more wisely and competition makes schools better.

That competition is one of the best things that has happened to Louisville schools. They had the great idea of putting the magnet schools, the best programs and many of the best teachers in the 'bad neighborhoods', but these excellent schools are going unattended because of skin-color rules. Neighborhood kids who want to attend can't because they are the wrong color and tip the balances. One and a half black kids can come for every white kid whose parents want to put them on a 2 hour bus ride each way. It is not fair to expect the white parent to put their 5-6 yr old on a bus for 4 hours out of their day! To deny the great education to the black child is also criminal.

Many parents are happier keeping their kids closer to home. I think this is be especially true at the elementary and middle school levels. By highschool, kids and parents are willing to travel farther for the specific program they want. Parents who live near the school, who have been allowed to choose the school and who feel invested in the school will be an asset to the school. They will be involved and hand-ons and supportive of the teachers and programs. This benefits everyone.

When the school is far away and the parents feel 'put there', resentment builds up. They don't feel invested in the program or the staff. And they are more likely to see 'the school' as an intrusion into their lives instead of a partner in the educational life of the family. The parents and the kids make 'the school' the scapegoat for everything wrong in their lives.

When schools fill-up hard choices need to be made. Here I think I would be interview the parents and the students to see why this is their first choice school. I would choose the family that matches the program the best and when there was a tie, I would do a random drawing or lottery style approach. I would also try very hard to help the students who didn't get in to find a program that matches their needs instead of just telling them no. If there were enough parents I would help them form another school program like the one that was full.

So, a fair system to me would be one that respected parental choice as much as possible. A system that builds communities and involves extended families in positive ways. And a system that respects the needs of the children.

Five cool things about Jesus....

2007-07-03T05:34:00.000-07:00

Matt was tagged then asked others what they thought.

Here are my five:

1) Jesus used stories and parables to teach deeper Truths. He asked us to use our imaginations and empathy to "get the point."

2) Every major revelation about the nature of Jesus was made by a woman. Mary his mother, Anna on his presentation to the temple, the woman at the well, Martha, Mary of Bethany, Mary Magdelene, the bleeding woman who touched his robes.....the list could go on.

3) Jesus is all about the Spirit of the Law and how it connects us to God and one another. The Law as a tool for us to use, but not be enslaved to.

4) Jesus' choice of friends and companions. He must have laughed and loved everyday. He was all about building strong communities that saw and cared for the 'fringes.'

5) The way Jesus called the children to him. I think he knew they would understand before the adults did.

If you post your 5 cool things about Jesus, leave me a note so I can go read them :)

"bad media" email

2007-07-02T17:31:00.000-07:00

The following is an email I just recieved. I posted it only after I tried every avenue I knew to see if it was false. I found many stats to prove it true, and nothing to prove it false. It makes for some interesting reading, but I am not sure it changes any of my personal opinions.

Eye Opener

Since the start of the war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan , the sacrifice has been enormous. In the time period from the invasion of Iraq in March 2003 through now, we have lost a total of 3,140 soldiers. As tragic as the loss of any soldier is, consider: below is a list of deaths of soldiers while actively serving in the armed forces from 1980 through 2004:

FIGURES ARE CONFIRMED ON DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE SITE
1980 2,392

1981 2,380

1982 2,319

1983 2,465

1984 1,999

1985 2,252

1986 1,984

1987 1,983

1988 1,819

1989 1,636

1990 1,507

1991 1,787

1992 1,293

1993 1,213

1994 1,075

1995 1,040

1996 974

1997 817

1998 827

1999 796

2000 758

2001 891

2002 999

2003 1,410 534*

2004 1,887 900*

2005 919*

2006 920*

* Figures are Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom fatalities only

Does this really mean that the loss from the two current conflicts in the Middle East are LESS than the loss of military personnel during Clinton's presidency? Were we at war?

Now, are you confused when you look at these figures? I was. Especially when I saw that in 1980, during the reign of President "Nobel Peace Prize" Carter himself, there were 2,392 military fatalities of U.S. soldiers.

What this clearly indicates to me is that our media and our politicians pick and choose. They choose NOT to present all the facts.

Another fact our media and politicians frequently slant is that these brave men and women losing their lives are minorities. The latest census shows the following:

European descent (white) 69.12%
Hispanic 12.5%
African American 12.3%
Asian 3.7%
Native American 1.0%
Other 2.6%

Now, the fatalities over the past three years in Iraqi Freedom are:
European descent (white) 74.31%
Hispanic 10.74%
African American 9.67%
Asian 1.81%
Native American 1.09%
Other 2.33%

Is it Sunday again!?!

2007-07-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Time is going by so fast that I really think doing a summary on Sunday is going to be helpful for a while.

Monday, bills and scouting wedding locations. Mom had her second chemo treatment and all seemed well.

Tuesday, combined wedding scouting with modern art gallery gazing. It was interesting to see the modern art, but it was even more interesting to talk to the boys about their impressions.

Wednesday, history reports in the morning, golf driving range in the afternoon, So You Think You Can Dance in the evening! Pretty good day.

Thursday, reports on the physics of golf in the morning, played a D&D styled role playing game in the afternoon (first time in years), SYTYCD in the evening. Off and on through the day I was compling the articles for the Newsletter, which will be late this month or maybe even combined July/August.

Friday, first thing in the morning my sister called to tell me our father was in the hospital with stomach issues. Not good since he had knee replacement surgery on Monday. The thought that putting him under might have caused his bowels to stop working properly. Then Dirk and I drove all over the area (put 100 mi on the car) doing more wedding location scouting. When I got home, We picked up dinner from Panera with some gift certificates that we had had for a couple years :) Nathan was back from camp and wanted to be taken to a friend's house for a couple hours. So, more driving. Since I was out I stopped by the store for fruit and meat to hold us over until I could really go shopping on Sunday, so I thought.

Saturday, I slept the whole day away. I did nothing and didn't feel like doing anything at all! However, the Nathan work so hard all day on the housework, deep cleaning the library and the laundry rooms that when he asked to go to the movies I didn't have the heart to tell him no. He even made dinner after I said yes! He made an amazing baked cod with lemon and dill. I drug butt out of bed and went to see Live Free or Die Hard. It was a great rollercoaster ride of a movie. No literary value, just fun and funny. I did not regret my choice to go! When we got home I checked my blood pressure with Dirk's little wrist machine.... not too good. I am used to my BP being 115 over 65 or very close. It was 145 over 95 the first time and then after resting it only went down to 125 over 85. Maybe this sluggishness that I can't seem to shake has something to so with BP and blood sugars..which are also too high!

Sunday, woke up feeling great, made breakfast for everyone, but by the time I should have been taking my shower I was ready for bed again. I called to check on my dad, he is fine. Mom is doing very well this week!! I just can't seem to 'wake-up'. I was checking up on the blogs I read and feel sad that I don't have the energy to comment. I was checking up on the forum I visit and again, the energy to compose a coherent thought that was on topic wasn't there.

I am off to take a nap and hopefully get the energy I need to do the stuff I HAVE to get done today.

Dirk's song

2007-06-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

Edited per Chris' request.
If I have done this right you will see a video that a friend of Dirk's put together. The friend, Chris, wrote the lyrics on 911 and Dirk wrote the music at a later date. It is Dirk singing the song. Chris took a copy of the song a few days ago and put pictures to it. I think it has some touching moments, but some parts seem kind of random to me.

Let me know what you think.

My week....

2007-06-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

Here is yet another Sunday morning that finds me at home instead of at church. I keep asking myself, "why?" But I really can't answer very well. The thought of facing people this morning seems too draining. It has been a rough week.

Last Sunday was Father's Day and I woke up sick, but was better by 1pm when I went to my father's house for a while. Then, I just came home and slept.

Monday, Mom had her first chemo treatment in the morning. She will have them three Mondays in a row then be off a Monday, then three more then off and so on until late August. I know I did something, but I can't even remember the rest of the day!

Tuesday, I had 4 students. We worked on math, script writing, GED preparation (Nathan), literature. history, geography and music(with Dirk). I also helped a former student compile a transcript and resume. Mom was doing ok, but needed some care. After another low energy day I figured out I was forgetting to take my vitamins because I wasn't eating at the same time or in the same place each day.

Wednesday, 5 students showed up, they worked mostly on their own or with Dirk because I was with Mom, she was having a really, really bad day. I was supposed to go to a meeting about mission trips, but didn't have the energy. I did, however, listen to a teleconference on this weight loss program called Take Shape For Life. It is the 'pre-surgery' program a lot of bariatic dr. use. Many people lose 25-35 lbs a week on it without surgery or to get ready for surgery. I am seriously considering it. But even after talking with a dr. he thinks because of my PCOS I will only lose 5-8 lbs a month for the first 6 months, but he thinks the weight loss with speed up after that because my body's chemistry would be closer to normal. Could I go on a liquid diet for 18 months to 2 years? I don't know.....

Thursday, 4 students again. They had to take math tests which they assured me they were ready to take. This particular group has a history of carelessness so before the test I made a list of consequences with them. No mistakes 30 min. of extra freetime! One mistake 15 min. extra freetime. Two mistakes no consequence, three do the dishes, four vacuum the house, ect....until 10 mistakes out of 20 problems and they would have to clean the goat pen. They were happy with the list full of confidence that they would do well. Two did, each of them missed two or less. The other two, however, didn't. One missed 8 and had to do 45 min. of yard work, the other missed the 10 and had to clean the goat pen. I was very proud of her because she didn't finish before being picked up so she made arrangements to come back on Saturday to finish. The other young lady did her job, but grumbled and fussed the WHOLE time! When we went over the test, both girls missed simple adding, division, and signed number problems that they have been doing for years. Both had some confusion on one or two of the problems, but neither should have missed more than two and both said they learned a valuable lesson about carelessness.

Then, just as I finish with them a landscaper comes to give me a bid on the property. I really have little to no money, but I figure if I am going to come up with the money for Kayleigh's wedding maybe it would be nice to see some of that go into home improvements. Well, he is here talking to me for over 3 hours about the property and while he is here an other landscaper who was supposed to meet me that morning shows up (5 hours late). He gets mad at me when I ask him to wait a few minutes while I finish up with this guy and can talk to him. Well, this second guy writes some numbers on a piece of paper and puts it in the mailbox. Guy one thinks he can make a real difference in the yard and save some of the wildlife habitats for 5000 a year over 2-3 years. Guy two's numbers START at 70,000 and go up!

Thursday is also Mom's worst day. Luckily, my sister and Dirk were also here so that we could keep talking to doctors and running to the pharmacy. It was a rough day on all of us.

Finally it was Friday, Mom had a much better day! And I had no students. I did have a meeting with the financial lady. It was a good meeting, but the bottom line is I don't charge enough tution and I also need to branch out into other avenues for generating income from The Center. Dirk finally heard that we have GOT to have a good soild webpage for The Center were we can sell my lesson plans, have long distant literature classes, attract other students or even workshops for parents. So, the webpage I have been begging for, for seven years now may actually happen in the next week or two!

I also snuck another 'cheap date in.' Financial lady's office is next door to a Graeter's Ice Cream shop and we had gift certificates. So, I had a scoop of butter pecan while Dirk had a hot fudge sundae in a waffle bowl. We sat and just talked while we ate our ice cream. It was a nice break after the meeting.

When we got back I had to work on the bills( yuck) and sat with Mom for awhile.

Yesterday, got up late. Then MaryRose (my 'other daughter') came over, she lives in Lexington now and so it is hard to see her too. We were doing research online for Kayleigh's wedding and then we went out and did some 'scouting' of locations. In someways I think we are closer to a location, but in other ways I think we are farther. I will be happy when this decision is made once and for all!!!!

Mom had a good day, she was weak, but didn't need any fever, pain, or nausea meds.

I took Nathan and his 'girlfriend' to a Catholic Picnic that was happening even though it was storming off and on all night. When we got home and I walked into my room to go to bed (around midnight) there was the strangest smell. It smelled like glue and it was so strong my eyes were watering and Dirk was asleep in the room. When I told him to get up he didn't smell it. When I made him leave the room and come back he could then smell it. The smell was no where else in the house. The room had smelled fine when he went to bed at 11. We never did figure it out, but we turned off the window air conditioner and opened the house and turned on the house fan and this morning the smell was gone.

So here I am, after getting to sleep around 3 am on the couch, I got up this morning around 8:30 made breakfast, checked on Mom, read the blogs on my RSS and started processing the week. I had/have no energy to go to church this morning. I am still haven't had a shower yet today and it is almost noon!

It is going to be a hard week coming up too. Nathan, Athena and two of my other students leave for camp and will be gone 10 days. Nathan has been the hugest help lately. He has taken care of the animals, taken over the professional housekeeping job, and done quite a bit of the yard work. Athena, has been so busy with Ladybirds and college preparations, I just see her in few minute spurts. One of the other students who is going with them is also a huge help to me in the daily chores and up of the house. Maybe I should just go to camp too :)

Today, I will layout on paper what I want the webpage to look like and features I would like included. I will set up a template for my cooking lesson plans. I will finish paying June's bills. I will begin compiling the student work for the July Newletter. I will bake a batch of millet scone with raisons and walnuts (the only combination good for all blood types). And I will take at least one picture for my 365 blog! It has been off track log enough!!!

How nerdy are you!

2007-06-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

I took this before, but now I have a place to put it :)

I was REALLY shocked the first time I scored about a 90%! I seriously thought I would be no higher than a 50-60%.

If you too take the quiz, let me know your score.

Thursday Thirteen

2007-06-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

Thirteen things I learned about food this week!

1) Eating for your blood type makes a lot of sense!

2) Cooking for three different blood types is almost impossible!

3) Dirk, type O, should eat a very high protein diet with lots of red meat, no potatoes, and few grains.

4) Mom, type A, should eat a very high fish, fowl and veggie diet with no red meat or dairy at all.

5) Me, type AB, should eat a somewhat balanced diet with lots of fruit, some grains and a little meat, but no chicken only turkey.

6) Fondant flowers are harder to make than they look on tv. However, rolling fondant very thin and putting it on the cake is easier than it looks.

7) Fondant belongs to NO food group on earth, and no one can convience me it is edible!

8) Turkeys that you can defrost in the sink during the winter, go bad when defrosted overnight in the sink in the summer. A bad turkey smells awful!

9) Old fashioned recipes don't give cooking times or temperatures and so experimentation is an important tool! By the way a 'moderately hot' oven is about 375 degrees.

10) If you cut four melons in the morning, and put them in the fridge for the 'next couple of days' they will be gone by lunch time. Same thing goes for medium sized watermelons.

11) We go through 3-4 pounds of butter a week! And it is a no-no for type O and A!

12) Red snapper and Cod are beneficial for all blood types, they happen to be the only two proteins that are.

13) This little slide show on What the World Eats has really made me think long and hard about what my family eats in a week!

"Dance mom/aunt" mode

2007-06-11T06:27:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a fundraiser day for the dance teams. We were part of a community park fair.

Nathan, the only one of mine left on the studio dance team, danced in the sun on the playground.

I painted 25-30 little faces, during my 3 1/2 shift. Most were cat faces, butterflies, rainbows and smiley faces, however a few of the stranger requests were: a ferret, a lighten bolt with flames, a green spider with yellow spots, the word cool, and big lips like a kiss on the cheek.

While I was in the sun, the other parents were in the shade selling food. I didn't realize that I was getting pretty crisp. One of the moms kept asking me if I wanted to come into the shade, but I thought I was okay. Well, I am not. I need to remember I get sun poisining quickly. While the burn hurts a little it is my body detoxing from the excess sun that is really unpleasant today.

Then the kids danced a second show. This is Nathan's solo dance. I think I might have to get a newspaper, because the CJ photographer was asking me for his full name, age and dance studio. He was very impressed with Nathan. Personally, I think it is just the novelity of a boy dancer, the girls were better and took it more seriously yesterday. Usually, he is one of the better dancers, but NOT yesterday.

Now, today I am off with Dirk to take picture of two possible wedding locations in New Albany.

What I think Kayleigh wants.

2007-06-09T16:24:00.001-07:00

From what she has described over the phone, this is close to what I think she wants.

This took my breath away

2007-06-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

Goal number 5 of "get a life"

2007-06-09T06:30:00.001-07:00

So we get to the outdoor theatre a little early because Dirk wanted to see the pre-show which turned out to be a bunch of middle school girls singing and dancing. They were okay, but we have seen much better. A couple of the girls had really strong voices.
This is the set for Little Shop of Horrors. It was the best part of the production. The set designer did a great job with the over all look and function of the stage. Many parts of the set spun around for easy change of scene without stopping the action on stage. That part was just about seamless.
There were storms earlier in the day, the sky was strange, but beautiful colors (this picture doesn't do it justice) . We were hoping any more rain would hold off, and it did. The night was a bit muggy, but nice.
Dirk got an ice cream for us to share, problem was I don't like cookies 'n cream. So, he threw himself upon it, sparing me from eating something I didn't like :)
During intermission the Belle of Louisville passed by all lit up. It was really pretty. I still get excited when I see that old paddle wheel on the river. It reminds me of all the steamboat races my family attended when I was younger, then my best friend in high school played the calliope for the Belle for 8 or 9 years and he took me on her with him quite often, and I used to take Kayleigh and Athena for afternoon cruises when they were very young (pre-Nathan days).

The play itself is nothing to write about. It was community theatre. It had very spotty performances, one or two more consistant performers, and one real stand out (the voice of Audry II). Most people were about 35-30 years too old for their part, but then they had many teens and young adults playing the 'older' extras.

It was a nice night out of the house and into the community. We saw many people Dirk and Kayleigh have been shows with. And I got to people watch, which is one of my favorite pastimes.

So Who Was He.....

2007-06-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

I like this bio.

And I like this from that bio....

Religion, he argued, was not a philosophy, nor abstract metaphysical thought, nor natural science, nor adherence to dogmatic formulae, but the "sense and taste for the infinite" consisting primarily in feeling; belief and action are secondary.

I agree in someways because I do act and believe often out of 'feelings of the infinite'. However, just as often I act when I don't feel, and then the feelings rush in later.

Knowledge of the soul and knowledge of God are inseparable�a concept that had been presented more than 1000 years earlier by St. Augustine.

Yes, I have always agreed with this statement. It was one of the ideas that made me fall in love with Augustine.

Schleiermacher's careful analysis of religious feelings always has in view, at least by implication, the infinite and eternal reality to which these feelings are responses.

God is real, and it is that reality I am responding to and feelings are the best way to describe it. I think that is what that means, if so, I agree..

...he held that it is always in and through one's experience of the whole interconnecting realm of the finite that there comes a sense of dependence upon the infinite ground of all things.

I like this statement a lot. The interconnecting realm of the finite is grounded upon the infinite. EVERYTHING to me is interwoven and connected, nothing can be teased or separated out for long.

Before taking this quiz, all I knew about Friedrich Schleiermacher was that he was part of the German Reformation. I never knew we had so much in common :) If I had just seen the list of names I would have picked Anselm or Augustine as close to my Theology on the important points.

Thanks Susanne for the quiz!

Hmm......

2007-06-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

Which theologian are you?

You scored as a Friedrich Schleiermacher

You seek to make inner feeling and awareness of God the centre of your theology, which is the foundation of liberalism. Unfortunately, atheists are quick to accuse you of simply projecting humanity onto 'God' and liberalism never really recovers.

Friedrich Schleiermacher

73%

Jürgen Moltmann

67%

Anselm

60%

Martin Luther

53%

Paul Tillich

47%

Charles Finney

40%

Karl Barth

40%

John Calvin

33%

Jonathan Edwards

27%

Augustine

20%

I really didn't expect that answer, but I see that the top three are not too far apart.

okay, this has gone far enough!

2007-06-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

I find myself going back to the meez page to 'tweak' that little inner me. I have been working on the computer all morning, and instead of taking my break to get up and move around, I click on my meez. Now I am begining to see why people are so addicted to the Sims games. I aways thought they were boring and kind of silly before. Now, I think I can see the attraction of living the virtual life that you think you want instead of the real one that needs work and attention.

Playing with a meez is not part of my get a life goals, so she is what she is and no more 'tweaking', for me.

Now I have got to get back to work. The students return tomorrow for the start of summer classes. I really need about 6-8 more to sign up this week so I can pay my bills!

I got one too!

2007-06-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is the last version. This is the *dream* me, peaceful, cute and in a field of sunflowers.

Thursday Thirteen...

2007-05-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

I am going to try this again! In keeping with yesterday's thoughts that kind of fizzled after I got distracted, I will post 13 things I am doing to "get a life!"

1) Planning my 25th wedding anniversary. It will be the Wedding I never had. I only have 28 months, whatever will I do ;)

2) I am doing some of the foundational planning for Kayleigh's wedding, which will be in approx. 15 months. I get to make all the mistakes with hers, so that mine goes perfectly..lol

3) I am going to invite a few close friends over for a cook-out and sing along within the next two weeks. Dirk and I share just a few good friends, but the ones we do have seem to get lost in the shuffle of life and I am going try and stop that.

4) Once a week the kids and I are going to visit a historical site here in the area. That will at least get me out of the house.

5) I am going to convince Dirk we need to start dating again and just like when we were young the dates have to be cheap! They were always more romantic then anyway :)

6) I will be doing lots of house and grounds renovations because, I was just told moments ago that we will be having family that I haven't seen in at least 10 yrs coming to visit Mom this summer. I was already considering the renovations because the fall back plan for Kayleigh's outdoor wedding is here at the house, and the house is starting to look pretty shabby since we have done little to nothing to it in 7 years.

7) I am going to be dreaming up and implementing ways to come up with the funds to do said renovations, in a hurry!

8) I want to find and take a local cake decorating class. I think my interest in food and art are getting closer and closer.

9) I am going to write all the ethnic and music festivals on the calendar! Kayleigh used to 'drag' me to them, but now I am remembering how much fun they were-- when not too crowded.

10) I am going to start going to the gym every morning! I only have 4 more months on this membership and if Dirk doesn't start going with me, I am switching back to Curves in the fall.

11) I have to decide on pool membership or buying a pool from Sam's. They are the same amount of money because this really nice pool is on sale there and it comes with pumps, filters, and everything! It would be more than big enough to do water aerobics and almost big enough to swim laps if I swim in a circle :)

12) I am going to get better at keeping up with friends through writing. I want to try and write actual letters by hand (gasp!), and just be quicker at responding to friendly emails.

13) I am going to rework my way through The Success Puzzle this summer. It is a project that is important to me and I need to do it like an assigned class. Hey, maybe I'll have the kids (or just Nathan) do it with me!!! Things always make a lot more sense to me when I teach them.

That was hard. I have wanted to do all these things for a long time, but zoning out or curling up with a book is so much easier!

What does "getting a life" mean?

2007-05-30T07:46:00.001-07:00

A few of my friends have been blogging about needing 'real life relationships.' I have been feeling a need for this too for a couple years now. I joined two book clubs a serious theological one and a fun light hearted one. I didn't really find what I was looking for with either. I try to keep up with them, but I have to admit that when things get busy they are the first to go on the back burner.

I have been trying to be even more active at church and I have to say that while Sundays are nice, Wednesday nights feed my soul more. On Wednesday about 20-25 (adults and kids combined) of us share an informal Mass, dinner, and ideas. Sometimes we have a scheduled topic and other times we just talk about life.

When I really think about it, these Wednesday nights are the only reason I have to leave the house now. With Athena driving and Dirk home (and driving again), I can send them on any errands I need done. My 'work' comes to me and I no longer play chauffeur, so I don't hang out with other moms and wait on kids any more either.

Here is what I think I am missing that I used to take for granted:
A workout partner-- I loved getting up every morning at 6am and meeting B. at the gym. We had so many things in common and our kids did lots of stuff together, so we always had lots to talk about.

Dance/ gym moms-- it was a huge part of my life for so many years to sit and wait for hours and just talk to these other moms who were doing the same thing, had kids the same ages and were going through many of the same life issues at the same time. When I first started the Center I was too busy to realize how much I missed this and then the kids started driving and so none of the old moms were hanging out anymore, I miss them more than I ever thought I would.

Working on a college campus!-- I think I miss this one most of all. It has been 6 years since I taught a college class. I don't think I missed it at first because Dirk work at U of L for a few more years, but now that neither of us are on a campus and have no real need to go to a campus I find myself with a huge whole. Taking classes is not currently an option, and the funny thing about what I taught is that now IUS only hires people with terminal degrees to teach it! I started their TV production program with a degree in Film and my teaching partner had a degree in electrical engineering, now that the program is so big they want to hire phd's in Communication or Journalism!

Taking college classes whenever I wanted in whatever struck my fancy-- one of the best perks of working on campus or having a spouse working on campus. Even when I didn't take one, I knew I could.

The challenge of starting something new. The Center is working so smoothly now it is easy to manage. I need a challenge, one that costs no money, but has the possiblity of earning money! I need something that totally consumes me that I can get started and watch grow.

g2g...more thoughts later

An Amazing Memorial....

2007-05-28T11:38:00.001-07:00

These are some Dirk took of the Korean Memorial. I think it often gets over looked because of the more "popular" memorials, but it is really breath takingly beautiful and important in its own right!

Pentecost or Shavuot

2007-05-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

The Law or the Wisdom, which should we celebrate? If both why do so few Christians know that Pentecost was a Jewish feast long before it was a Christian one. Today is the day I celebrate all of God. God the Father who gave Moses the Law so we could live in a Covenental Community, God the Son who continually taught us to see into the fringes of that Community and do something about it, and Hagia Sophia, the Wisdom of God that gives us the gifts to do the work necessary to live in Community.

Okay, time to get messy!

2007-05-26T09:36:00.000-07:00

I am going to admit it now. I guess Dirk was not the total reason I was having trouble getting through the Success Puzzle this time. I also have tons of things I wanted to post this last month, but didn't because I wanted a perfect six set of Success Puzzle posts. Now that I realize that is not going to happen, I can let go, get to the Success Puzzle posts as I can while still puttering and pondering about life here.

I am feeling like I do when I get out my paints. I have to make the canvas messy before I can start my painting. Solid white space that I am supposed to create on almost leaves me paralized. So this post is just a bunch of babbling so that I am comfortable enough with my messy space to begin thinking and processing again!

Sucess Puzzle part 1 (of at least 6)

2007-04-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

During Lent I was going to seriously work through this program again with Dirk. Many things happened that made that a spotty endeavor at best. So, I am going to work through my thoughts here. I think all my adoring fans...lol... all three or four of you.... might find this process interesting and useful. The last time I did it, was a couple years before creating The Center! It was definitely the catalyst for that jump in my life.

The Success Puzzle by Bob Proctor

What is Success? Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. ~Earl Nightingale

How do you define Progressive? Forward moving, advancing

How do you define Realization? Understanding, reaching manifestation

How do you define Worthy? Valuable, honorable, good

How do you define Ideal? Perfection, perfect plan, best possible situation

Awareness: The changes that are needed to enjoy an ideal life are internal. Most people lack the awareness of the aboundance that surrounds them all the time, just waiting to be accepted.

When you study life, you can study science or theology. Both tell us nothing is created or destroyed so everything we will ever need is here right now, in one state or another, we just lack the awareness to use it.

We are made up of three basic parts:
The Conscious mind: This part is where we reason, made decisions, have free will. The conscious mind can accept or reject ideas and make changes to our behaviors. "We become what we think about."

The Subconscious mind: Often called the emotional mind, the subconscious mind cannot accept or reject ideas. It can only accept what it is told. Here are where habits live, 'automatic responses', things we do or feel without thinking why. It works at the cellular level. It knows NO limits except those we choose to give it.

The Body: Thoughts and images that are choosen by the conscious mind and pressed upon the subconscious mind have to be acted out by the body. Actions you are involved in determine your results.

So: Thoughts determine Feelings which determine Actions which determine Results

The most important thing needed to be Successful is a "Proper Attitude!"

"The greatest discovery of my genration is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." ~William James

"Mind is the great power in all creation." ~J.B. Rhine

"The only thing that will grow is the thing we give energy too." ~Emerson

"Ideas are alive, they grow." ~Tom Willhite

With this new information in mind.... can you come up with 4-6 action statements that would move you closer to your ideal life?

These are mine... I would love to know yours, leave me a note to let me know where you posted them.

1) Write positive notes to myself.

2) Take time to let the successes sink in without finding the flaws.

3) Spend time really trying to figure out which path I want to head down at this juncture of my life. Write out a plan or ideas for my perfect days....

4) Work on awareness, keep visions of what I want foremost in my mind so that when I sense the opportunities I am ready.

Simple Pleasures.....

2007-04-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

As inspired by Tia of Living Deliberately here is my simple pleasure for this week.....

Being able to rent movies On Demand. The movies are less than $4.00, no going out in the car to get them, no late fees because I forgot to take them back, interesting selection of independent movies I probably would not have tried because the store would not have carried them.

Today I rented

Quinceañera

This Sundance award winning film refreshingly addresses the Latino/American culture as experienced in the Echo Park area of L.A. Some themes running throughout are coming of age through the exciting wedding-like Quinceanera celebrating the 15th birthday of Latino girls. I was impressed by the honesty and goodness of each character in their chosen lifestyles. Spirituality runs throughout the formalized services headed by Magdalena's father(the serious but judgmental religious type)to the nonjudgmental Tio Tomas' acceptance and love given to all, regardless of circumstances, lifestyle, or "sin."

Echo Park culture is shown to make the most of what they have, without self-pity or whining. This movie should make the big screen for it's flair, artistry, honesty, and empathy for our country's largest minority, under-represented till now. Hooray for Quinceanera! It's joyful and a and real "upper."

I agree with this reviewer. I think I expected something else from the movie (more like a teen comedy), but was very suprised at the beautiful real people it portrayed struggling with life changing decisions. The subtle spirituality running through the movie was just right. God was present without being preachy at all! This was a real treat today.

Thirteen goals....

2007-04-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have not done very well at Thursday Thirteen. Since I had to take a break from cleaning and goals have been on my mind lately (I didn't realize I had so many :) ), I thought I would ponder them....lol

1) Double my income without doubling my work load. I want to get back on our debt snowball and money makeover. We were doing great, then my step-dad was out of work for 18 months, then just when he went back Dirk got sick and has been home with no income for over 6 months.... I just thank God everyday that we had an emergency account, and that both of them were never out of work at the same time. However, after 2 years things are stretched about as tight as they can get.

2) Figure out how to afford a part-time accountant for the business.

3) Get all the books in the house into the computer so that I know what I have and where it is!

4) Slowly developing the Resource Center into more of an artist's colony or retreat, where kids work with adults in a creative environment most of the time while still covering the 'basics' a couple hours a day. Maybe even starting a boarding school for kids interested in the arts.

5) Lowering our impact on the earth. This means, planting more vegetables, restarting the compost, do better at recycling, even more reusing or repurposing of things we already have, more conscience effort to buy from locals who produce in environmently friendly ways. Maybe even getting zoned as a farm.... This all ties together with our eating healthier foods too.

6) Being able to afford the wedding of my dreams for my 25th anniversary (Oct '09).

7) Helping Kayleigh with her dream for a simple outdoor wedding in June '08.

8) Having a house totally free of clutter and set up with the best Feng Shui energy possible!

9) Remodeling and updating this house and or buying the 23 acres behind us and building what we want from scratch.

10) Going back to school to study Pastry Arts or Baking. I really find cake decorating and buliding with gingerbread to be extremely relaxing. And since I don't like cake and I HATE icing, I am not even tempted to eat it.

11) Doing whatever it takes and bugging as many doctors as I have to, to figure out how I can loose the weight I need to. I want to stay healthy and the longer my heart has to support enough mass for two adults, the sooner I will get really sick.

12) Building a pond and water garden in the space outside my kitchen.

13) Being outside working at least one hour everyday to make this property look like the magical place it really is!

Easter Day!

2007-04-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

From John:

10Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

13They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." 14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

15"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

16Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!."

17Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "

I think the flowering of the cross on Easter morning is a wonderful reinactment of this moment. In the garden, something horrible was turned into something very special. Through death came life forever. So the flowered cross is one of the most powerful Easter symbols for me.

Waiting is hard.....

2007-04-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

From Luke:

50Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, 51who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. 52Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body. 53Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. 54It was Preparation Day, and the Sabbath was about to begin.

55The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it. 56Then they went home and prepared spices and perfumes. But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the commandment.

This is one the candles we used for our Passover Seder this year. I lit it tonight to remind me I have to rest and wait. It is too easy to get caught up in the preparations and not rest. Of all Sabbaths, this one is the most important and it should be all about resting, but it seems impossible to be 'ready' if things didn't get done today. Rest!!! and Wait!!!!

From the stations...

2007-04-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

We did the stations of the cross today and this photo is from the Crucifixion Station.

From Matthew:
45From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. 46About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi,^[c] lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"^[d]

47When some of those standing there heard this, they said, "He's calling Elijah."

48Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a stick, and offered it to Jesus to drink. 49The rest said, "Now leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to save him."

50And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

51At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. 52The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

54When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son^[e] of God!"

55Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's sons.

The Great Vigil..

2007-04-05T21:52:00.000-07:00

Eternal God, shed your light upon those of us who watch for you,
that our lips may praise you,
our hearts bless you,
and our lives glorify you,
Through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen

From the New Zealand BCP

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. 41"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

42He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

43When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

45Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"

It means a lot to me every year to 'stay awake and pray with Jesus for an hour' during the Great Vigil. This year it was set up in the new little chapel and that was nice. I prayed the rosary using the New Zealand BCP. It was very quiet and still this year. I was alone with God.

Tenebrae

2007-04-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

Wikpedia: Tenebrae (Latin for darkness) is a religious service celebrated by high church elements of Western Christianity. Lighting is gradually reduced throughout the service, initially being fully lit by candles, extinguishing and reduction of light occurring throughout, and eventually ending in total darkness (thus the name of the service). A "great noise" is included as part of the service that represents the earthquake at the crucifixion. The service is not considered to have finished until after everyone has left the place of worship In total silence.

The rites associated with Tenebrae may be derived from customs that are connected to the Jewish fast day of Tisha B'Av (the Ninth Day of Av.) On this day, the book of Lamentations is read, the synagogue is darkened and decorative elements are removed.

Tonight's service was really nice. I love the monastic feel to it. The Psalms and lessons from Lamentations are always moving. With the extinguishing of light and the tone of the bell and the gong, it appeals to many senses. Silence and darkness are very powerful.

This year's Seder....

2007-04-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So she paused. And the Grinch put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the tornado.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

She stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without a proper table setting, no not at all!
She HADN'T stopped The Seder from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with her grinch-feet ice-cold in the rain,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without fine china! It came without special linens!
"It came with paper, plastic, and HENS!"
And she puzzled for hours, `till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something she hadn't before!
"Maybe Seder," she thought, "doesn't have to be perfect!”
"Maybe Passover...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn't feel quite so tight,
Her attitude she adjusted and through the twilight,
She enjoyed her family! And the food for the feast!
And she...

...HERSELF...!
The Grinch served the grilled meat!

Here is the short version of what happened. First, I had the days mixed up. I KNEW the first night of Passover was on the 2nd, but for two weeks I also KNEW the 2nd was Tuesday night. I woke up Monday morning realizing my mistake, but I didn't get to worried about it because it is also traditional to have an other Seder on night 2... and the Rabbis long ago built a 'safety' net like that into Passover.

Then I forget to take the Turkey out of the freezer, until late Monday afternoon. I always buy fresh, but my mom, to help me out bought the frozen turkey. Well at noon this morning it was still frozen. Dirk, wonderful dh that he is goes down to the new butcher shop about a mile from the house to get fresh meat I can cook.... he comes back with two fryer hens. They are not fit for roasting so I cut them up and marinate them for a couple hours, thinking it is a pretty day grilling them will be nice.

Then as the day goes on, Athena and I are cooking and I discover no red wine in the house at all. No grape juice either, only sparkling apple cider! So, Dirk goes back out. While he is out I discover we don't the ingredients for Macaroons either. The store is totally sold out of them and the only cookie he can find with no flour does have butter, "oh well," I say, "we can live with that I guess." But inside I was starting to get very frustrated....

Now the dishes...the only dish we could find was the Seder Plate because I keep it hung up on the kitchen wall all year long! Elijah's cup, my special linens, the special dishes, candles, candle sticks, etc...none of it was in the hall closet where it should have been! The whole Seder box was gone. So we had to eat off paper and plastic.... now I was starting to get really grouchy!

I did say this was the short version right. Ok, to keep it short....the potatoes got over boiled so the mashed potatoes were much more like soup. Because it started to storm as the chicken went on the grill it took way too long and the asparagus got over cooked. Even when the chicken did come off the grill it tasted more smoked than grilled. Not bad, just not what I wanted.

When we finally sat down to begin (very late, but just before the sun would have been down if it weren't storming) I was ready for it to be over. I was going through the motions when I started to hear... Athena reading the Hebrew prayers, my sister reading for meaning instead of speed (like in the past), Nathan reading passages without being asked, everyone's laughter.... then the passage in our Haggadah that said you must have these three symbols to have a complete Seder....and I realized we had those three things (lamb bone, matzah, and bitter herbs) and much more. All the important elements were there in front of me.

I remembered too, about the Holocaust victims that had to celebrate Passover with saved scraps or nothing at all. Seder is about Freedom and that means freedom from being perfect too! I have been trying for a few years to write a play about the perfect Seder.... That one would probably not be nearly as powerful as one like this where everything went wrong, but God still made it right!

the morning before the eve of Passover.....

2007-04-02T18:51:00.000-07:00

In Temple times the paschal lamb was offered during the afternoon of the eve of Passover; therefore more laws and ceremonies are grouped around this day than around the eve of any other holiday. On the evening of the day preceding Passover the ceremony of searching for leaven is performed by the master of the house (Pes. 2a; see Jew. Encyc. ii. 628 s.v.; BediḲat ḤameẒ).

This is a tradition that has always fasinated me. You clean your house from top to bottom, get rid of all leaven products, dust, and crumbs. Then when it is spotless, you hide just a little cracker or bread crumb somewhere in the house and the head of the house, with kids following close behind, searches high and low in every room looking for it. They sweep it away and burned before noon.

The reason behind this is that sin hides in our life, even when we think we have it all cleaned up and aired out, we still have to go searching until it is all uncovered and given to God. Then for 8 days we eat no leavening. This is where my faith collides. Like this year when Passover is during Holy Week, it is hard...well alright impossible..for my family to keep 8 full days of unleaven bread because Easter without fresh Challah or fresh Cinnamon rolls is just not Easter! It is also hard to go back to Matza after tasting real bread.

Theologically, I love the symbolizm of sin and the denial of self that Passover brings. I love celebrating the Freedom that a Passover Seder is all about. I find the season of Passover to be as meaningful as Lent and love it when it comes the week before holy week or ends on Good Friday. However, when they intersect the way they do this year I have to decide which is a more powerful expression of my faith...the Risen Lord on Easter Morning, or Elijah coming as the stranger to bless my home.... Both are about Freedom, but the paths are different.

Palm Sunday--what is it all about?

2007-04-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples." He said in reply "I tell you, if they keep silent, the stones will cry out!"
(Luke 19:39-40)

I like how Fr. Ben said today that Palm Sunday or Passion Sunday, to be more correct, is like the cliff notes version of Holy Week. The service starts on the high note of Jesus being adored by the masses and ends with the Crucifixion. Too much information in to short a time.

I love the pageantry of the Palm procession. The pretty clothes, the pretty flowers, the green of spring, the love that went into making the palms and even the way the larger palm branches wave in the breeze. God is waking up the world, that is what it feels like on Palm Sunday morning. I pause in that Glory. I rest in that Peace.

It sets the tone for me for the rest of the week. I know that I will spend every night in worship, so I can savor each step. I don't have to focus on the Passion or the Crucifixion today. Their days will come. Today is about rejoicing and being in the moment of the awaking, the recognition.

This is about God walking among the people again. Not just the high and learned, but the lowest and poorest people too, accessible to all.

So sing today:
Hosanna
Hey Sanna Sanna Sanna Hosanna
Hey Sanna Hosanna
Hey JC, JC won't you smile at me?
Sanna Hosanna
Hey Superstar

Too busy to ponder.... or even putter!

2007-03-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

I have promised myself though I am going to post about Holy Week and Passover each day. Trying to capture the theological meaning of the day in a single picture too.

Sunday is Palm Sunday

Monday is the eve of Passover

Tuesday is Passover

Wednesday is for Tenenbrae

Thursday is Maunday Thursday and the beginning of the Great Vigil

Friday is Good Friday

Saturday is Holy Saturday

Sunday is Easter

Monday is Easter Monday

Tuesday is the Last night of Passover

Then I have from Wednesday through Sunday to rest and prepare to finish up this academic year!

virtues and sins

2007-03-26T21:14:00.001-07:00

These are all the sins and virtues mixed together. Just like in life it is hard to tell the difference.

virtues and sins
Originally uploaded by sandiemg.

What green are you-- from Susan

2007-03-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

You Are Emerald Green

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

What Color Green Are You?

Well, it sounds pretty close. It happens to be my very favorite color too!

Nathan.....

2007-03-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

Knowing the heart of a 14 almost 15 year old young man is hard and often scary. He is also still under constant parental supervision with very limited privileges. He has made some progress towards earning privileges back, but I am not sure there has been a true change of heart.

He wore dress pants, dress shirt and tie yesterday to church....normally we are arguing over his tee-shirt and sagging shorts. He wanted to surprise me with his new look. It was a great surprise! He did about 4 plus hours of lawn work yesterday and another 3 today before the tractor broke. He is cooking supper and generally being nice, but there is still his mouth.

Even when we agree he seems to want to make it sound like we are arguing. It is frustrating. It brings up the grace vs works issues for me sometimes. He works and does the work required to earn his privileges back, but the grace, the change of heart just doesn't seem to be there at all.

I am going to trust that as he matures his heart will mature too. I continue to pray that he will keep his thrill seeking ways legal and safe. I will continue to come up with challenges for him to solve. I will continue to push him to be the best person he can be.

Teen bonding....

2007-03-24T19:09:00.000-07:00

I missed the picture of Athena covered in flour using a rolling pin to make buttermilk biscuts :) I assure you it is not a sight that happens very often.

Kayleigh loves to cook, Nathan is an excellent cook, but Miss Athena neither loves it nor is very good at it. So, why you ask were the two of us cooking all day (baked a chicken, started enough flour for 6 loaves soaking, made 6 dozen biscuts, jello, and a chocolate bundt cake) ......Two basic reasons, one it allowed us to avoid doing the taxes again today and second when we do 'money or business stuff' neither one of us are relaxed enough to just talk.

We needed to talk today. It has been exactly one week since she made a very foolish choice that landed her in deeper trouble than I think she has ever been in. I have had a week to process, put things in perspective, and calm down. She has had a week of no phone, no computer, no driving, no going anywhere without one of us present, extra chores, extra school work, and extra cooking duties. To her credit she has fulfilled all her responsibilities and restrictions beautifully. Not one single complaint, not one single pushing of boundries, not one attempt to break our agreement of earning each one of her privileges back.

We had a nice long talk while cooking today. I think she has turned the corner on childhood and is firmly on the path of young adulthood. She accepts responsibility for her choices, she understands the wisdom of making different ones, and she also seems to comprehend that it is important to choose your friends wisely. What more could I ask of her? Seventeen year olds screw-up, but they also need the room to grow and repair as much of the damage as they can.

Today, I am at least as proud of her as I was disapointed last weekend. In less than 9 weeks she will graduate, I know she will be ready, she will have truly earned it. I will stand up in front of God, our family, and our friends and say to her "Today, you are a woman. This moments marks your giant step into the adult world. You are now responsible for your life and your choices." I still remember saying those words to Kayleigh 4 years ago. I occasionally have to remind her when I get the 'what should I do' phone calls that I will offer my opinion, but it is just than another opinion.

I flat out refuse to tell them what to do after graduation. I have had old students call me too, and the answer is the same for them. I will talk you through the pros and cons, I will offer an opinion if you want it, but the choices and consequences of those choices are yours. Good, bad and indifferent, when you ask others to tell you what to do you are no longer responsible, you can blame the other person, you will live with self-doubt, and you will always wonder 'what if'. When you weigh the options and make your own choice you build strength, wisdom and character.

Well, the taxes didn't get done today, but more important things did.

2007-03-24T06:39:00.000-07:00

Adapted from this list.

Gifts of the Spirit....

Scripture has many lists of gifts.

1 Corinthians 12:8-11 :

words of wisdom;
words of knowledge;
faith;
healing;
miracle-working;
prophecy;
distinguishing of spirits;
tongues;
interpretation of tongues.

Romans 12 : gifts of

service,
teaching,
exhortation,
giving,
leadership,
the showing of mercy.

Isaiah 11:1-5 : the spirit of :

wisdom
understanding,
counsel,
strength,
knowledge, and
the fear of the LORD.

".... if I enjoyed giving things to my children a thousand times more than keeping them for myself, so of course must He."
--------- Hannah Whitall Smith, in Logan Smith's *Philadelphia Quaker*

I like the idea of photos and pondering on the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, but I think I am going to save it for after Easter in preparation for Pentecost.

Lust (Latin, luxuria)

2007-03-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

Lust is usually thought of as involving obsessive or excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature. Unfulfilled lusts can lead to sexual or sociological compulsions and/or transgressions including (but obviously not limited to) sexual addiction, adultery, bestiality, and rape.

Dante's criterion was "excessive love of others," which therefore rendered love and devotion to God as secondary. However, lust and love are two different things; while a genuine, selfless love can represent the highest degree of development and feeling of community with others in a human relationship, Lust can be described as the excessive desire for sexual release. The other person can be therefore seen as a "means to an end" for the fulfillment of the subject's desires, and becomes thus objectified in the process. In Purgatorio, the penitent walks within flames to purge himself of lustful thoughts.

Well, Antonio Bandaras just wasn't available to pose with chocolate covered strawberries and Champagne while wearing silk pj's, so this picture of me and my dh will just have to do for lust. I think of all the sins, this one shows up least in my life. While I do have a passing thought now and again for Antonio, it is not really Lust, because the definition of Lust is 1) excessive, and 2) sexual...I really just like looking at and listening to Antonio.

For over 23 years now, all my sexual thoughts have involved Dirk. There was a time, long ago, though when my sexual drive was stronger than his and my unfulfilled lust lead to late night chocolate raids. I doubt seriously that Dante ever thought of chocolate as sexual, but I know advertisers and many doctors understand the connection.

This is the part of the definition that really interested me: Dante's criterion was "excessive love of others," which therefore rendered love and devotion to God as secondary. This I might be guilty of fairly often. I will put others before my relationship with God most often when I am trying to avoid God. I will keep busy like Martha and complain about how I am the only one caring for everyone, while what I long to be doing is sitting at the feet of the Most High learning and soaking in the Peace Which Passes All Understanding.

I have always been taught that caring for others is putting God first, but like all other things it is also about priorities and perspective. When you start worshipping the creation instead of the Creator, things are out of whack.

Since that was the last sin, I will have to come up with 'seven' more things to ponder upon now...any suggestions?

Gold Thinking Blogger Award!

2007-03-21T20:23:00.000-07:00

My friend Matt has honored me with the Gold Thinking Blogger Award; it's a nice way of recognizing the many great blogs that are out there, and it originated here. Once you've been tagged, it's your turn to select -- in no particular order -- five blogs that have impressed you for one reason or another and tag them with this award. Be sure that when you tag them, you link back to the original source of this award.

I only get to pick five, wow, last time I looked at my RSS feed it had something like 45 blogs on it! So, in no particular order and in an attempt to show some diversity....

Tia, she is an amazing mom who is going through the process of becoming Greek Orthodox, she has become debt free, and she believes in Living Deliberately.

Steve Walden, he is a wonderful dad who writes about what is on his heart. He comments on politics, news stories, family and homeschooling.

Ampersand, she is funny, thought provoking and always makes me think!

Jessica, another homeschooler, but she is just starting out on her journey. She makes me remember why I began homeschooling in the first place.

Jeff, this is a 365 Project blog. Jeff is very creative and sees the world differently and makes me look at ordinary things in a new way.

Envy (Latin, invidia)

2007-03-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Envy is characterized by an insatiable desire, those who commit the sin of Envy desire something that someone else has which they perceive themselves as lacking. Dante defined this as "love of one's own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs." In Dante's Purgatory, the punishment for the envious is to have their eyes sewn shut with wire, because they have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low.

I have had to think long and hard about this one. I am not a very envious person. I have little jealousies here and there where I would like something like what someone else has or a skill like theirs, but it would never cross my mind to deprive them of it. When I searched my soul deeply, I did find envy there though in three cases...two are in the photo....

Models with flat stomachs, are my first occassional envy. I picture them with my stomach and me with theirs. It made me realize that I did objectify them and want them brought low. Not a side of myself that I liked looking at. Lottery winners are the other group that I envy. I hear all the stories of them winning and then wasting it all, ending up in worse financial shape than they started in. I want to win the lottery because I have such wonderful plans that would change so many lives, that I want it instead of the 'dumb' people who win. What's really funny about this one is that I only buy one dollar ticket every couple of weeks, so it is not like this is something I spend a lot of energy on, but it was still there...wanting to bring them down for my profit.

My sister is the only actual person on the face of the planet I have truly envied. She is beautiful and always has been. She was the pretty child that everyone adored, while I was ignored. Growing up she was athletic, talented musically, and got great grades, while I failed year after year, and had no talent, athletically or musically. She was fertile, while I cried myself to sleep wanting to have more children. Banks gave her money to buy houses, way before Dirk or I could swing it. She has always had a great job she loved making lots of money, while until recently I felt like all I did was struggled to pay bills and educate the kids. I spent lots of time focusing on what she had that I didn't have. I really wasted too much time wishing I was her.

I can honestly say now though, things have evened out. I no longer wish I was her or wish I had what she has. I am happy for her, healthy sibling jealous sometimes shows up, but I am so much happier with who I am now, that I don't need to wish for anyone else's life.

Gluttony (Latin, gula)

2007-03-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

Modern views identify Gluttony with an overindulgence of food and drink, though in the past any form of thoughtless excess could fall within the definition of this sin. Gluttony is marked by unreasonable or unnecessary excess of consumption.

Finger foods! What is it about finger foods that causes 'unnecessary excess of consumption'? With other foods I can easily cut them in half and eat smaller portions, but with finger foods I tend to eat them until they are gone, just because they taste good. I hate it because it makes me feel stuffed and uncomfortable. Luckily, I rarely make things like this without having a huge house full of people. Lots of people, will stand around and eat them before I can overeat them! It works especially well when said people are teenagers :)

By sharing with everyone no one person eats too much. That makes me think of the other things in my life that I am thoughtlessly excessive about. If I shared them more with those who have none, my life would be simplier and a lot less stressful! I will be purging my excess of clothes and the excess of junk that has collected around here will be sold, recycled or hauled away.

I hope to replace thoughtless excess with deliberate simplifed choices.

Pride (Latin, superbia)

2007-03-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, again books might seem like a strange connection to pride, but since this is about me, I'll explain. I am a book snob. I take too much pride in what I have read, what books I have available, and even the books I assign students. If I am not careful, I can insult and make others feel bad for what they haven't read. I feel contempt for those who don't read. Too often, I think reading makes me better than those who don't read. That pride gets in the way of me make an actual connection with the person.

There are many areas of my life where I feel inferior and I have used books to compensate. But one thing doesn't make up for the others. When the love of books has been put up on a pedestal, or used as weapon to make others feel bad, then it has been perverted. A good thing taken to the extreme and made bad.

I love it when people come into my house and see all my books. They think I am smart. Then I feel even smarter and more powerful when I can 'show off' and say have you read 'such and such'.... the answer is usually, no. There is a fine line between being proud of accomplishements and the sin of Pride that makes you feel better than others.

Greed (Latin, avaritia)

2007-03-14T12:53:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering what this little monkey has to do with Greed....especially Greed with a big G. This little guy is too cute, he was bought for an even cuter little girl, then he was forgotten minutes later. I saw this little girl, about 5-6 yrs old, beg Dad over and over for this little guy. Dad said no, quite a few times, then the little girl dug her heels in and pulled out the big tears! Well, Dad melted went and bought the little monkey. He got a hug and a pretty smile, but it didn't last long. Because something else caught her eye and she HAD to have it. The monkey was left at the theatre and never reclaimed.

I saw the fit Saturday night when I was there with Nathan and then I saw the monkey in the same spot when I returned Sunday morning. I sat and looked at it all day Sunday thinking about how many times I had given into those fits and how I was teaching Greed with a big G. The acquisition of things, just because. I want to think I wasn't as gullable as "that Dad", but I know I was....still am sometimes.

My knowing mind and my emotional self are often in conflict when it comes to greed. I want money, who doesn't. I want nice things, again who doesn't, but at what expense. When does the acquisition of things cross the line into the sin of Greed? And how often by our actions are we teaching Greed without even thinking about it?

Visual Quiz....from Ampersand

2007-03-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Wrath (Latin, ira)

2007-03-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

I want thank Athena for helping me capture my vision.

Wrath may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. The transgressions borne of Wrath are among the most serious, including murder, assault, discrimination, and in extreme cases, genocide. Wrath is the only sin not necessarily associated with selfishness or self interest. Dante described Wrath as "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite".

I am not a very angry person. However, I do experience wrath...the uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger...when I think about my own body. I am content with my emotional life, my intellectual life, and very happy with my spiritual life, but when I think about my physical self this poisoned underground spring of hate bubbles up. I try and see past it. I do all the things the doctors tell me, I do all the things my personal trainers tell me, I do all things I know are 'right'. I keep doing, but all I want to do is stop doing. All this anger just sits simmering under the surface, this wrath that causes me to be self-destructive and want to give up.

It is not fair that none of it works. It is not fair that for 20 years my body has betrayed me, that people judge me and make assumptions about me on sight, it is not fair that I have missed out on so much due to my own preconcieved ideas. It is not fair that I can't dress up and be the pretty wife my husband deserves. It is not fair that nothing fits, and I have been told my two doctors that just holding my weight steady is a huge success, because of the PCOS. It doesn't feel like a success to see the scale holding steady or even dropping by 1/2 to 1/4 of a pound a week when I am doing what 'mathmatically' should result in 8-10 pound drops each week! I want to say 'what's th point', but I know that if I were not doing what I am doing, the scale would continue to climb at 2-3 pounds a week. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

The kids wrote essays yesterday about how betrayal is an external and bitterness is internal. What happens when the betrayal is also internal? How do I keep the bitterness I feel at my body's betrayal from destroying all the things that are beautiful and wonderful in my life?

Okay, that's it. My wrath has been out long enough, it is time to put it back in its little box and get back to work.

Sloth (Latin, acedia)

2007-03-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

More than other sins, the definition of Sloth has changed considerably since its original inclusion among The Seven Deadly Sins. It had been in the early years of Christianity characterized by what modern writers would now describe as apathy, depression, and joylessness — the latter being viewed as being a refusal to enjoy the goodness of God and the world He created. Originally, its place was fulfilled by two other aspects, Acedia and Sadness. The former described a spiritual apathy that affected the faithful by discouraging them from their religious work. Sadness (tristitia in Latin) described a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontent, which caused unhappiness with ones current situation. When St. Thomas Aquinas selected Acedia for his list, he described it as an "uneasiness of the mind," being a progenitor for lesser sins such as restlessness and instability. Dante refined this definition further, describing Sloth as being the "failure to love God with all one's heart, all one's mind and all one's soul." He also described it as the middle sin, and as such was the only sin characterised by an absence or insufficiency of love.

As I read this passage, over and over, I knew that my bedroom was the perfect shot for this sin. When we first moved in I had such high hopes for this room, but for one reason or another it kept being the room to 'put the junk' out of sight. It got over crowded and out of control. Over the last couple years as my responsibilities have increased, it is the room I have let go the most. The rest of the house is almost always presentable and well cared for. My bedroom is ignored, put off, forgotten about. There is not one thing I can put my finger on and say 'that's why', but it does stem from Dirk and I putting everyone else's needs before ours. Dirk's being sick just added to my disinterest in caring for my bedroom...which makes me feel bad because, I think I should care for it more. I love my husband more than life itself, this room however doesn't reflect that at all.

A couple's bedroom represents so much more than a place to sleep. I don't think I have thought about that in a long time. It is the only place we have in this big house that is private, ours, separate from others...and yet it is the area that I hate to go into now, avoid, dread, have lost interest in...that is the sin of sloth and I didn't realize how slowly it crept into my life.

The sins

2007-03-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

From wikpedia

The sins

Lust (Latin, luxuria)

Gluttony (Latin, gula)

Modern views identify Gluttony with an overindulgence of food and drink, though in the past any form of thoughtless excess could fall within the definition of this sin. Marked by unreasonable or unnecessary excess of consumption, Gluttony could also include certain forms of destructive behavior, especially for sport, or for its own sake. Substance abuse or binge drinking can be seen as examples of gluttony therefore. The penitents in the Purgatorio were forced to stand between two trees, unable to reach or eat the fruit hanging from either, and were thus described as having a starved appearance.

Greed (Latin, avaritia)

Greed is, like Lust and Gluttony, a sin of excess. However, Greed (as seen by the Church) applied to the acquisition of wealth in particular. Thomas Aquinas wrote that Greed was "a sin against God, just as all mortal sins, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things." In Dante's Purgatory, the penitents were forced to kneel on hard stone and recite the examples of avarice and its opposing virtue. "Avarice" is more of a blanket term that can describe many other examples of sinful behaviour. These include disloyalty, deliberate betrayal, or treason, especially for personal gain, as the case when someone lets oneself be bribed. Scavenging and hoarding of materials or objects, theft and robbery, especially by means of violence, trickery, or manipulation of authority are all actions that may be inspired by greed. Such misdeeds can include Simony, where one profits from soliciting goods within the actual confines of a church.

Sloth (Latin, acedia)

More than other sins, the definition of Sloth has changed considerably since its original inclusion among The Seven Deadly Sins. It had been in the early years of Christianity characterized by what modern writers would now describe as apathy, depression, and joylessness — the latter being viewed as being a refusal to enjoy the goodness of God and the world He created. Originally, its place was fulfilled by two other aspects, Acedia and Sadness. The former described a spiritual apathy that affected the faithful by discouraging them from their religious work. Sadness (tristitia in Latin) described a feeling of dissatisfaction or discontent, which caused unhappiness with ones current situation. When St. Thomas Aquinas selected Acedia for his list, he described it as an "uneasiness of the mind," being a progenitor for lesser sins such as restlessness and instability. Dante refined this definition further, describing Sloth as being the "failure to love God with all one's heart, all one's mind and all one's soul." He also described it as the middle sin, and as such was the only sin characterised by an absence or insufficiency of love.

The modern view of the vice, as highlighted by its contrary virtue zeal/diligence, is that it represents the failure to utilize one's talents and gifts. For example, a student who does not work beyond what is required (and thus fails to achieve his or her full potential) would be slothful.

Current interpretations are therefore much less stringent and comprehensive than they were in medieval times, and portray Sloth as being more simply a sin of laziness, of an unwillingness to act, an unwillingness to care (rather than a failure to love God and His works). For this reason Sloth is now often seen as being considerably less serious than the other sins. (See Tower of Babel)

Wrath (Latin, ira)

Wrath may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. These feelings can manifest as vehement denial of the truth, both to others and in the form of self-denial, impatience with the procedure of law, and the desire to seek revenge outside of the workings of the justice system (such as engaging in vigilantism), fanatical political beliefs, and generally wishing to do evil or harm to others. A modern definition would also include hatred and intolerance towards others for reasons of race or religion, leading to discrimination. The transgressions borne of Wrath are among the most serious, including murder, assault, discrimination, and in extreme cases, genocide. (See Crimes against humanity.) Wrath is the only sin not necessarily associated with selfishness or self interest (although one can of course be wrathful for selfish reasons, such as jealousy). Dante described Wrath as "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite".

Envy (Latin, invidia)

Like Greed, Envy is characterized by an insatiable desire, they differ, however, for two main reasons: First, Greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas Envy may apply more generally. Second, those who commit the sin of Envy desire something that someone else has which they perceive themselves as lacking. Dante defined this as "love of one's own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs." In Dante's Purgatory, the punishment for the envious is to have their eyes sewn shut with wire, because they have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low.

Pride (Latin, superbia)

In almost every list Pride is considered the original and most serious of The Seven Deadly Sins, and indeed the ultimate source from which the others arise. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them, and excessive love of self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God). Dante's definition was "love of self perverted to hatred and contempt for one's neighbour." In Jacob Bidermann's medieval miracle play, Cenodoxus, Pride is the deadliest of all the sins and leads directly to the damnation of the famed Doctor of Paris, Cenodoxus. In perhaps the most famous example, the story of Lucifer, Pride was what caused his Fall from Heaven, and his resultant transformation into Satan. Vanity and Narcissism are prime examples of this Sin. In the Divine Comedy, the penitent were forced to walk with their heads bowed while they were whipped in order to induce feelings of humility.

Thursday Thirteen (guilty pleasures)

2007-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:00

1) Okay, musically...I like pop, silly bubble gum pop..like Fergie and the Pussycat Dolls

2) I enjoy watching Sweet 16 on MTV, usually just to see out of touch with reality the girls are, but sometimes it is just to see how out of touch I am :)

3) Antonio Banderas...I will watch, happily anything he is in, evenhis really bad movies and the little bee comercials. I love his voice and his eyes.

4) Reading trashy romance novels...the less literatry value the better. It helps if they are set in faraway times and places.

5) Deal or no Deal.... I do not have any clue why I sit and watch this, except that trying to match the bank offer is fun. I am usually very close. I love finguring out the odds.

6) Animal planet, That's My Baby birth stories of all the cute animals.

7) Googling random things or thoughts to see where it leads me.

8) Surfing blogs... both of those I know and those I don't know. Random blogging is always a treat when I am bored.

9) Algebra...I know, it is really embarassing, but I will get Algebra books out and do problems when I am alone just for fun.

10) Making s'more in the fireplace on cold nights. Dark chocolate and homemade marshmallows on cinnamon graham crackers make them healthy..right :)

11) Challenging kids to see another side on an issue by playing Devil's Advocate. I will take a position I totally disagree with so that they have to defend what they believe. It is fun because they are always trying to figure out what I 'really think'.

12) Eavesdropping the kids conversations from another room. The house is set up with a very open plan and I can hear things from even another floor. They know I can hear, but often foget it.

13) Talking to myself in public. It used to drive people crazy..or they thought I was crazy, but now with phones and bluetooth stuff it is stranger to be quiet in public.

Thank you Laura!

2007-03-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

I am posting these here, because I want to ponder them more and figure out how to photograph them this month.

Chastity (Latin, castitas) (purity, opposes lust, Latin luxuria) —
Courage and boldness. Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought through education and betterment. Practicing proper love and its expression due to one's spiritual vocation.
Abstinence (Latin, frenum) (self-control, opposes gluttony, Latin gula) —
Constant mindfulness of others and one's surroundings; practicing self-control, abstention, and moderation.
Liberality (Latin, liberalitas) (will, generosity, opposes greed, Latin avaritia) —
Generosity. Willingness to give. A nobility of thought or actions.
Diligence (Latin, industria) (ethics, opposes sloth, Latin acedia) —
A zealous and careful nature in one's actions and work. Decisive work ethic. Acting energetically without excessive reflection.
Kindness (Latin, patientia) (peace, opposes wrath, Latin ira) —
Forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. The ability to forgive; to show mercy to sinners.
Patience (Latin, humanitas) (satisfaction, opposes envy, Latin invidia) —
Charity, compassion, friendship, and sympathy without prejudice and for its own sake.
Humility (Latin, humilitas) (modesty, opposes pride, Latin superbia)
Modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect. Giving credit where credit is due; not unfairly glorifying one's own self.