Who was my mom?

Barbara Ann Sexton Bannister Ross

November 16, 1946 - January 14, 2008

Barbara was born in Bethesda, MD. She was the third child of five (John, Katherine, Marie, Hope) after the death of their father they moved, with their mother, into the Veterans of Foreign Wars Homes (VFW) in Eaton Rapids, MI. There she met and grew up with Ken Bannister. She graduated from Eaton Rapids High School in 1964. Barb and Ken were married in January 1965. They moved to Oshkosh, WI where their first child Sandie was born later that year. In 1967, they lost a child, Michael, when he was born with polycystic kidneys. For a fresh start and to be close to Ken’s family they moved to Louisville, KY. Soon after arriving in Louisville, they found St. John’s Episcopal Church. That church became the cornerstone of their support system when they lost a daughter, Terri, also to polycystic kidneys. In 1971, Barb and Ken’s youngest daughter Susan was born. St. John’s continued to be an important part of the family’s life for the next 40 years.

The other group of people that changed Barb’s life forever belonged to The Charles L. Shedd Association. With them, she learned specific multi-sensory techniques for tutoring children with learning disabilities. Since she and both the girls were dyslexic, this association provided guidance, support, and education for many years. During this time in her life, she worked for both Spalding and Bellarmine Universities. She continuously availed herself of the opportunity to pursue Liberal Arts Studies course work. She tutored and mentored young college students far from home. She wanted to make their transition into adulthood as smooth as possible.

In 1984, Barb and Ken divorced. In 1986, Barb married SFC Steven Ross, who was employed by the US Army. She moved to Germany with him while he finished his current assignment. They came home to Louisville for a couple years before being sent to Canada for Steve’s final station assignment. Since the couple lived off base, both assignments made many special friends in each country. These friends have been a constant and continuing source of joy and support.

The new century brought many changes. She, Steve, Sandie and Dirk decided to purchase a home for the purpose of providing a special place for home-schooled students to learn and grow together. For the last eight years of her life, Barb was able to work daily with her three grandchildren and other students sharing her love of books and mathematics. She not only educated students in reading, writing and arithmetic, but also in life lessons of wisdom, and manners with much love.

Broken Reflections

I posted a version of this picture on my 365 blog, it seems like months ago, but it really was just a little more than a week ago. It was last Monday to be exact. I took it the day my mom admitted her memories were all mixed up. She had called me quite a few times in a panic not knowing what day it was, what time it was, or what had just happened. I think it was the first day I really and truly admitted to myself that the cancer was in her brain and that her tiredness and confusion wasn't just the chemo side effects.

It looks like a brain trying to remember to me. In the first version the reflections are even harder to see, in this version, while the memories are still broken they are beautiful and clear. The water looks calm, beautiful and deep. The colors are rich and peaceful. As I have been working on building a scrapbook of my mom's life today, stories are pouring in through emails about how Mom changed lives, I realized this photograph also represents my memories of my mom. I will never see her full reflection, it will be constantly broken because she lived a full life outside my awareness, but the memories people are sharing are deep and beautiful.

How did I get from one vision to the other?... Friendship. A friend knew I wasn't totally happy with the first version so she tweaked' and deepened the image for me. My mom's friends are tweaking and deepening my memories of her too. I am realizing a clean, clear simple reflection is boring....one broken with rough spots, twists, turns, and twigs is much more fascinating.

Caught in the middle

This weekend just brought home even more how the roles and relationships we have within our family change when we aren't looking. No one ever told me that before I was 43 I would be the middle man between one life just beginning and one life coming to a close, both of them looking to me to smooth the transistion. As strange as it sounds I want it all to slow down, so that I can enjoy and savor each moment.

I am joyful and even a touch envious for the wonderful wedding Kayleigh (and I guess George too) will have. I hate that my mom is in both mental and physical pain, but at the same time I really enjoy her company and dry humor. Somedays I do feel literally ripped in two, but other days, more days, I feel made whole and completed by these two amazing women..without whom I would not be who I am. Most of the time I really like that person.

Yesterday, I pondered light and water

Exposure: 0.033 sec (1/30)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 210mm



Exposure: 0.022 sec (1/45)
Aperture: f/4.5
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 110mm



Exposure: 0.022 sec (1/45)
Aperture: f/11
Focal Length: 35 mm
Focal Length: 70mm

I have lots of thoughts, but all of them metaphorical and no time to explain them. General themes of light/ shadow; moving water/still water; and rocks were all on my mine. Today it is enough to know I was still and pondered even if for just a little while.

Today, I pondered Histograms

When I first got my camera I accidentally hit the button that showed the histogram every time I took a shot. I wasn't even sure what I was looking at so I was glad when I figured out how to turn it off.

Then while reading the DPS forum, I learned what it was for and how to use it. Today, I went for a walk in my yard and used the histogram to get proper lighting and exposures over the whole shot. After looking at the histogram I would adjust the shutter speeds up or down. Usually, I had the 'proper' exposure within 3-5 shots. Here is an article that was linked at DPS that really helped.

Since I finally got these three to upload, I will use them as my example. It was MUCH easier to see the differences in the histograms than it was to see the differences in on the LCD screen. I am super excited to keep learning how to use this new tool.



Exposure: 0.004 sec (1/250)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV


Exposure: 0.002 sec (1/500)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV


Exposure: 0.001 sec (1/1000)
Aperture: f/16
Focal Length: 35 mm
ISO Speed: 400
Exposure Bias: 0/10 EV

Another New Year.....

1966 was my first new year, so I don't remember it very well. ;) Other than mixed up memories of childhood New Years, no one New Year stands out until 1982 when I threw a costume party for my friends. It was a wonderful New Year, everything I could want it to be. I felt pretty, funny, happy and well loved. In 1983 was the New Years of every parents worst fears.... in involved way too much alcohol, too much travel, too many strangers, I think I was really lucky to have lived through it.

Then came the year 1984, little did I know that was to be my last 'single' New Year's Celebration. It was mine and Dirk's first date. We were married in October, so the year 1985 was my first New Year as a married woman, 1986 was my first (and only) New Year being 8 months pregnant, and 1987 was my first New Year as a college student. Then they all start running together again.

My favorite New Years were when we went to the cabin as a family, and then later just Dirk and myself. It has been a couple years since we have gotten away, but just reading, talking and processing the past year together was always special. Making plans for the New Year, walking in the quiet woods, and sleeping late cuddled together against the cold will always be the memories I hold dear.

This year is the year that will be remember as the beginning of major changes. A couple I am upset about: 1) for the first time my sister and I really totally disagree on appropriate parenting rules. Nathan is being allowed to spend the night at his girlfriend's house and Athena is being allowed to have a party with highschool girls and college boys with no adult supervision; 2) Mom's cancer is agressive and causing her lots of pain. 3) Dirk is on so many medications that even he doesn't remember what they are all for-- he talked about how much better he could think when he ran out of them a couple weeks ago, but then he went right back on as soon as he got home. 4) My weight is so hard to deal with, it takes so much work and focus and I don't know where that time and focus is going to come from.

Now the changes I am happy about: 1) Kayleigh is getting married and is doing what is necessary to finish her degree! 2) Athena will have a great schedule and classes she likes this semester. 3) Dirk is working hard to develop the acting, writing, and composing connections he made doing It's A Wonderful Life! 4) Nathan understands his job and driver's permit depend on his academics and he is no longer doing just the bare minimum. He is really working and wanting to do well. 5) Mom has a great doctor who listens and works with her!!! 6) My step-dad should be leaving for Iraq to drive support trucks for the military. He is excited and wants to go, it will also help ease some of the financial stress we have found ourselves in this year. 7) I ended the year with a 12 lb net weight loss for the first time in many, many years!!! Maybe I have some sort of handle on this disease. 8) I have a positive attitude and I believe it will be a great year. 9) I have a great new camera and with the help of DPS I will learn how to use it and photoshop. 10) I have a loving and supportive group of friends both on and off line!

John the Baptist

December 16 John the Baptist: Mark 1:1-8 Symbols: shell with water, river