Mom's Memorial service

The service itself was based on the Burial of the Dead: Rite Two service from 1979 BCP. My sister and I however, tweaked it to fit our needs and feelings about our mom. We wanted a service that not only expressed what she was about, but also help comfort and bring together those who were mourning her.

First my sister and I asked for a full Communion Service, it was great that the Bishop who presided over her service thought it was a good idea too. In his homily he told everyone there that by coming to the communion rail they would be as close to Mom as possible since all time is eternal during Communion, we celebrate with all the company of heaven.

The first two readings were common enough for a typical funeral. The first being:

The First Lesson Isaiah 61:1-3

The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion – to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit. They will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, to display his glory.

The second being the 23rd Psalm in the King James Version. The next two readings, however, were very unusual for a memorial service and the Bishop wasn't sure at first, but after the service he told us how powerful they were in combination and for a Memorial especially so.

The Epistle 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Gospel Luke 12:22-31

He said to his disciples, ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you – you of little faith! And do not keep striving for what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not keep worrying. For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, strive for his^* kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

The music was perfect too. The organist played her Celtic selections before and after, Amazing Grace jut before the Gospel, What Child Is This (music only) during the preparing of Communion, Let us Break Bread Together after Communion, and Lord of the Dance (there is a link to the lyrics if you don't know the song) as the Recessional.

Since there was no grave site to go visit, we had a reception in the Parish Hall of the church. More than 2/3's of the over 175 people who attended, stayed to eat, drink, hug, cry, laugh, look at pictures and just be with each other. I felt so much love, peace and support it was amazing. The reception was a gift from a 40 yr plus friend of the family and her daughters. The set-up was simple, but condusive to mingling and sitting down for more serious conversations. There were people there from all the different areas of my mom's life and all the different times in her life. People who often fought with her, but loved her just as passionately, were the ones I think that will miss her the most.

As I was talking to a friend after it was all over, the thought came to me that in her brief 60 years she did live a full life. I find comfort in the Trinity of the Goddess (maiden, mother, crone) my mom spent almost exactly 20 years in each 'phase'. She completed the cycle, for me that more than anything brought comfort, peace, and closure. She left nothing undone.

My sister Susan and 'other' sister Jennifer.
My sister and long time family friend Michelle.
My step-dad and my mom's adpoted mom, Ginny.
Athena with her dance teachers (these are also the wonderful women-minus one- who prepared and cleaned up the reception!)
Bishop Reed and other member of our old parish St. John's.
Athena with many of her friends who all called Mom grandma or Aunt Barb.
Me with a very close friend that I don't get to see very often anymore.
Jennifer and her kiddos.
Nathan, his girlfriend and his grandpa on his father's side.

Kayleigh, George, and Dirk's Dad, Papaw.
Amber, Kayleigh, Brandon, MaryRose, P't...all of whom called Mom, Grandma.

Current (and one former) students... I think it was good for them to see how many people, and different types of people, loved Mom and wanted to say goodbye.