Another New Year.....

1966 was my first new year, so I don't remember it very well. ;) Other than mixed up memories of childhood New Years, no one New Year stands out until 1982 when I threw a costume party for my friends. It was a wonderful New Year, everything I could want it to be. I felt pretty, funny, happy and well loved. In 1983 was the New Years of every parents worst fears.... in involved way too much alcohol, too much travel, too many strangers, I think I was really lucky to have lived through it.

Then came the year 1984, little did I know that was to be my last 'single' New Year's Celebration. It was mine and Dirk's first date. We were married in October, so the year 1985 was my first New Year as a married woman, 1986 was my first (and only) New Year being 8 months pregnant, and 1987 was my first New Year as a college student. Then they all start running together again.

My favorite New Years were when we went to the cabin as a family, and then later just Dirk and myself. It has been a couple years since we have gotten away, but just reading, talking and processing the past year together was always special. Making plans for the New Year, walking in the quiet woods, and sleeping late cuddled together against the cold will always be the memories I hold dear.

This year is the year that will be remember as the beginning of major changes. A couple I am upset about: 1) for the first time my sister and I really totally disagree on appropriate parenting rules. Nathan is being allowed to spend the night at his girlfriend's house and Athena is being allowed to have a party with highschool girls and college boys with no adult supervision; 2) Mom's cancer is agressive and causing her lots of pain. 3) Dirk is on so many medications that even he doesn't remember what they are all for-- he talked about how much better he could think when he ran out of them a couple weeks ago, but then he went right back on as soon as he got home. 4) My weight is so hard to deal with, it takes so much work and focus and I don't know where that time and focus is going to come from.

Now the changes I am happy about: 1) Kayleigh is getting married and is doing what is necessary to finish her degree! 2) Athena will have a great schedule and classes she likes this semester. 3) Dirk is working hard to develop the acting, writing, and composing connections he made doing It's A Wonderful Life! 4) Nathan understands his job and driver's permit depend on his academics and he is no longer doing just the bare minimum. He is really working and wanting to do well. 5) Mom has a great doctor who listens and works with her!!! 6) My step-dad should be leaving for Iraq to drive support trucks for the military. He is excited and wants to go, it will also help ease some of the financial stress we have found ourselves in this year. 7) I ended the year with a 12 lb net weight loss for the first time in many, many years!!! Maybe I have some sort of handle on this disease. 8) I have a positive attitude and I believe it will be a great year. 9) I have a great new camera and with the help of DPS I will learn how to use it and photoshop. 10) I have a loving and supportive group of friends both on and off line!

John the Baptist

December 16 John the Baptist: Mark 1:1-8 Symbols: shell with water, river

I got behind again...

I missed David and Solomon, hopefully I will get them later, but just to get sort of caught up I am posting a couple Holy Family shots for Joseph and Mary.

December 14 Joseph: Matt. 1:18-25 Symbols: hammer, saw, chisel, angle

December 15 Mary: Matt. 1:18-25; Luke 1:26-38 Symbols: lily, crown of stars, pierced heart

Two, I got behind a day, again

Jesse was a Shepherd, so here is my shepherd shot for the day.
December 11 Jesse: 1 Sam. 16:1-13 Symbols: crimson robe, shepherd's staff



Samuel was in bed, and this is what I see when I lie in bed at night with my lamp on.
December 10 Samuel: 1 Sam. 3:1-18 Symbols: lamp, temple

Moses

Usually, you show Moses as a baby to relate him baby Jesus, but this screamed Moses on the Mountian speaking to God to me yesterday.

December 9 Moses: Ex. 2:1-10 Symbols: baby in basket, river and rushes

Joseph

December 8 Joseph: Gen. 37:23-28; 45:3-15 Symbols: bucket, well, coins, tunic, stars

Jacob

December 7 Jacob: Gen. 25:1-34; 28:10-15 Symbols: kettle, ladder

Thursday

December 6 Isaac: Gen. 22:1-14 Symbols: bundle of wood, altar, ram in bush

For Wednesday

December 5 Abraham: Gen. 12:1-3 Symbols: torch, sword, mountain, tent

This is actually an ornament from the last set the kids made together. Again, it is not as creative as I hoped for, but making it through the Jesse Tree symbols is important to me.

Noah, a bit more literal than I wanted....

December 4 Noah: Gen. 6:5-8, 13-22; 7:17, 23, 24; 8:1, 6-22 Symbols: ark, animals, dove, rainbow

Fall of Mankind or Birth of Wisdom?

December 3 Fall of Man: Gen. 3:1-7 and 23-24 Symbols: tree, serpent, apple with bite

Jesse Tree

When the kids were little, we made Jesse tree ornaments. One each day of Advent and hung them on the garland above the fireplace. Since I have no little ones to make ornaments with, and this is a tradition I seriously miss, I am going to try and shoot a Jesse Tree image each day for this page.

December 1 Creation: Gen. 1:1-31; 2:1-4 Symbols: sun, moon, stars, animals, earth

December 2 Adam and Eve: Gen. 2:7-9, 18-24 Symbols: tree, man, woman

An essay by Athena

Athena has written quite a few interesting essays for English this year, but I thought my feminist friends out there would really like this one. I think it is kind of creative and of course very clever :)

I believe it is obvious that Rich thinks reading comes first in the reading-writing-learning process. “My own luck was being born white and middle class into a house full of books with a father who encouraged me to read and write.” (542) She called these books her teachers, “literary masters”, that she needed to please, or at least not displease.

How can you call a book a master? Here is an example of how I used Rich as my 'teacher'.

Me: Isn't all feminism about hating men?

Rich: My anger and frustration were hard to acknowledge in or out of poems because in fact I cared a great deal about my husband and my children. (546) Much of woman's poetry has been of the nature of the blues song: a cry of pain, of victimization, or a lyric of seduction. And today, much poetry by women is charged with anger. I think we need to go through that anger or risk betraying our own reality. (550)

Me: How do you find the balance between being a poet and being a mom, without resenting being a mom?

Rich: At twenty-nine, I felt guilt toward the people closest to me, and guilty toward my own being. There must be ways, and we will be finding out more and more about them, in which the energy of all creation and all the energy of relation can be united. (546)

Me: Are you saying those ways are for me to explore as a female poet?

Rich: A new generation of women poets is already working out of the psychic energy released when women begin to move out towards what the feminist philosopher Mary Daly has described as the “new space” on the bounds of patriarchy.(550)

Me: But aren't these women talking about hate too?

Rich: Women are speaking to and of women in these poems, out of a newly released courage to name, to love each other, to share risk and grief and celebration.(550)

By dialogging with the author I was more open to her position. When I first read the piece I had some old walls and barriers up, so it was hard for me to hear her story. These questions helped me see her as an individual as opposed to a “feminist.” I could pretend that I was talking directly to her, then read her work to find the answers to my questions. It took me three or four times of reading to actually hear Rich answer my last question about hate.

That statement shifted the whole passage for me. If I hadn't been willing to ask her questions, I wouldn't have actually heard some of the important things she had to say. If I hadn't started seeing her in a new way, I would not have pulled out my old poems. By reading my poems in a new way, I learned something about myself and Rich's position on women poets.

Rich was also surprised that when she went back and reread her own work she learned more about herself. I can see her point that females write about females in terms of how men define them. I was actually surprised because I thought my poetry was from within me. It was startling to see how much of it was about not being the perfect woman for a man or the fear of not living up to the 'societal standards' of womanhood.

She also said that when women were looking for inspiration, they were not finding themselves. “what she does not find is that absorbed, drudging, puzzled, sometimes inspired creature, herself, who sits at a desk trying to put words together.” (543) When learning you want to see yourself in the literature. Too often, the girls in literature that are closest to me are the “male fantasy” or the “super-bitch” I find that very frustrating. I would love to see a well rounded college girl, in a movie or a book.

I have never considered myself a feminist, but I have thought of myself as a poet. This piece caused me to have many important self-realizations. The first being that not all feminism is about hate. The second being that I am not as original a poet as I thought I was. The third being that reading a piece you think you are going to disagree with can actually teach you about yourself. All three of the self-realizations were a surprise to me.

Our First Game Station.....

Due to the generosity of a friend, we have our first PS2 in the house. It was never that I was against gaming systems, it was just that they were very low on my radar and even lower on my priority list. We were the kind of family that went 15 years without a tv, then for a long time we only had one in the family room. Now, we have had more computers than members of the household for years and all of us have played games on them, so it wasn't games I was hesitant about.

When the girls were little, we were at dance or gymnastics until bedtime. Nathan, who was usually along for the ride, took a class here and there, but was happy to sit and play with his cars on the studio floor while the girls were in class. During the day his toys were blocks, Marble Works, Lincoln Logs, etc.... or he was outside playing.

One day, after visiting some friends, he did ask for a system and got one that mostly stayed at his dad's house. I am not sure whatever happened to that system, but he didn't stay interested in it for very long. Then came the advent of all these musical video games.
Not only was I more interested, he was really captivated. He played them everywhere he could.. Stores, friend's houses, arcades.... he talked about them all the time. I was ready to try and find a good used system. (I have learned not to get 'new' stuff until they will play with/use the used stuff for over a year. ) As I was asking advice from my friend she suprised me with one. Just in one day, I have noticed positive things!

The music on his favorite game is classic rock, which I strongly prefer to gansta rap. It got everyone laughing and playing together. Nathan and Dirk have had a rougher time getting along this year since they are with each other just about everyday, but today they were really sharing in something wonderful. It stopped being about the game for me, it started being about the way the two of them were bonding again. Athena was over for a short time and even she jumped in and then 'hung out' with us longer than usual. She sat at the table and ate lunch with me, talking about guys, school, dance, and life. In the background Nathan and Dirk laughing, classic rock playing, and everything was right with the world.

There are angels among us, even when they don't know it. When they touch our lives, the bad stuff seems to drift away. Thank you again, Kim, you really are an angel!

Queen of the world!

Another Sunday Scribblings.....


If I woke up Queen of the world my first act would be.......

I have actually been thinking about this since I read it on Friday. Then I made the mistake of reading a few before posting my own. So many, many cool ideas out there, but this one by Raymond Pert took my first idea and wrote about it better than I ever could have. So, I kept thinking and pondering, then it hit me, I finally knew what my first act as Queen of the World would be....

I would declare that everyone, everywhere would have to stop what they were doing, embrace the person or couple of people closest to them and hold them for 5 full minutes. No talking, no kissing, just hold them still and quietly. No sounds except that of heartbeats and breathing. Then at the end of 5 minutes they would look into each other's eyes and tell each other (one at a time) that the Queen loves them and needs them to build a better world. They would say to the other person your gifts and passions are vital to this new world. This would have to happen once a day, at the same time everyday.

Then I would declare a mandatory Sabbath. All people in the communities would gather once a week to eat, drink, sing, laugh, cry, play, pray, read, debate, and just be together. At these gatherings there would be no cell phones, no computers, no tv, no ipods....... There would be board games, books, paper, pencils, art supplies, musical instruments, food, wine, comfortable seating, lots of pillows and fire (either a bonfire or a big fire place).

If you want to read more King and Queen stories click here.

Jobs....

I think I am ready to jump back into pondering and this Sunday Scribbling is a good one.

First job, my very first 'real' job was as a tutor for students with learning disabilities. I was 13 years old and made an unbelievable $10 an hour, 8 hours a week. The only reason I had the job was because I had been a student in the same tutoring program since I was 6 years old. I knew the ins and outs, the methods, the materials, the philosophy, and I was really good at it. I taught math and auditory discrimination skills. I had to take the city bus to my job one day week, then my dad picked me up. The other day of the week my mom took me because she was also a tutor and my sister was still a student. I have bitter sweet memories of this time and this program that was a just about a daily part of my life for over thirty years. I felt very grown up.

My worst job was with the same program just jump ten years. By this time I had gotten married, had a baby, gone to college, accepted custodianship of my neice and nephew, and returned to work full-time for this group. I was director of their Montessori program. I loved many things about the job, but the pay and the board of directors made my life hell. I was expected to work 60+ hours a week for less than $1200 a month. The politics about which families had to pay full tuition and who didn't drove me mad. The way the board constantly interfered with which kids should be removed from the program and which should continue frustrated me beyond belief. I was the one responsible( for the kids and the budget), but really had little to no authority. What made this even more of a nightmare was the fact that these were the people I had grown up admiring and wanting to be like. They were my heroes and role models. Finding out they were petty back-stabbing gossips destroyed my confidence in myself for many years.

My best job and my ideal job are the same. They are the job I have right now. I love everything about what I do and I wake up everyday thankful that people are willing to pay me to do it. I am an educational mentor. I work mostly with homeschooled teens. Many of the kids I work with are gifted, learning disabled, physically challenged, and often have behavior challenges. Since I work with the chidren in all subjects and across all grades I can put them in groups that meet their needs. I can also guide and inspire, seeing the good while working on the bad. These teens keep me on my toes and challenge me to be my best everyday. Watching them mature and being part of that process is a balm to my soul. I feel needed and like I am making a difference.

To read more about Jobs check out Sunday Scribblings.

Sunday Scribbles

Wicked....

When I hear the word wicked, I think of Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked this Way Comes. I love this novel because of the themes, learning to not desire the undesirable, to be comfortable in your own skin, and not being tempted by 'the green on the other side.' These are the ways you resist wickedness. They are the ways you conquer evil. More often than not we are our own undoing. This story shows how we destroy ourselves, because the wickedness comes from within us. There is no boggieman, except for the one we create.

The next thing that comes to mind is the quote from McBeth, "by the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes" said by the witches. I get that prickly feeling when a bad person is near. It almost gives me chills, but again Macbeth was his own undoing. He had a pretty good life, but wanted more and that is what the witches promised. In his mind the end justified the means. When we start thinking that way, we are truly on our way to real wickedness.

Click here for more wicked thoughts!

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Which Peanuts Character are You?

You are Woodstock!
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Theology Meme

I saw this meme on The Church Geek's blog, so I thought I’d play along:

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 high), how would you rate your theological knowledge and breadth/depth of reading?
Overall probably a 5, I have a general breadth, but I only have depth in the ancient and medieval theologians. I have very little knowledge of the theological debates of the last 100 yrs.

2. What thoughts and feelings come to your mind when you hear the word “theology”?
To me, theology is just a fancy word for working out how humans relate to God and vise-versa.

3. Who is your favorite theologian, and why?
It is hard to pick just one, but if I think about someone I read over and over, it would have to be Julian of Norwich. Her images of Christ as mother and lover, mean a lot to me.

4. Who is your least favorite theologian, and why?
Is Jerry B. Jenkins, considered a theologian?! He wrote those awful Left Behind books. I think his theology is just wrong, but so many have bought it hook, line, and sinker. Charles M. Sheldon would be a close second for the WWJD craze that was almost as bad.

5. Which theologians have you been meaning to read, but have not gotten to yet?
Rosemary Radford Ruether (I have only skimmed her work), Dietrich Bonhoeffer (I have read about him, just not much of his work), Gustavo Gutierrez (I have an interest in Liberation Theology and he was recommended)....

6. If you are Catholic, can you name a favorite Protestant theologian, and if Protestant, Catholic?
I am very much in the middle between the two and don't really consider myself either one. SO, my favorite Catholic theologian is Thomas Merton, I enjoy reading and thinking about everything I can get my hands on by him. And my favorite Protestant theologian is John Shelby Spong, not because I agree with him, but because he asks really great questions!

7. What theologies do you love like a rescue dog that saved your life?
I get pretty passionate when discussing exegesis, and other things that have to do with interpretations and how to interpret.

8. What theologies do you see commonly abused and wish people would stop it?
I don't know the name of it, but it has to do with 'winning souls' for Christ. People who go on mission trips to see how many of the 'unclean' they can personally bring to Christ. The mission is a success if X number of souls are 'won'. It is all about the conversion moment and not the journey.

9. What theologies do you think are from the pit of hell, inspired by demonic powers?
Eschatology, yuck, yuck, yuck! I think using future fears or rewards to motivate people to do the right thing now is just twisted! I think the whole rapture movement gives the wrong picture of Christ.

10. What theological concept is most needed but ignored in contemporary Christianity?
I would like to see more and learn more about Liberation Theology and the Divine Feminine. I see more that bashes them then actually discusses the ideas they bring up. I think both concepts have a lot to say to the average person.

I have got to summerize this week!

Sunday, I spent most of the day online and working on lesson plans from the coming year. We moved some furniture around to see how it 'felt' and we went to a couple stores to price new living room pieces.

Monday, was pretty frustrating. I went to see my accountant. She told me I had to raise my prices by 1/3 to break even. We also did some research and found that cottage schools and private schools in my area charge double to quadriple what I charge for fewer hours, larger class sizes, and no personal mentoring/tutoring. I can't figure out why I feel quilty for raising my prices, but I seriously do. My accountant says it is all about my feelings of self-worth and that I am not valuing myself or my skills enough. She is frustrated with me because I pay my housekeeper, my tutors and even my students and parents who do work exchange for tuition well, but I don't expect the same for myself. I didn't think you were supposed to cry at the accountant's office.

Then to top Monday off, I was supposed to come home to finish the house cleaning with Dirk and Nathan, and both of them disappeared for the whole day. It was also Mom's big chemo day. She felt pretty good when she got home, but the weeks when she gets both meds are the hardest.

Tuesday, I worked with 4 students, did some housekeeping and cooking, and waited for a visit from my aunt and uncle. About 4pm we got a call saying my aunt had just been admitted to a local hospital because they thought she had a stoke. It was a bit disconcerting to say the least. Mom didn't feel strong enough or well enough to go to the hospital to see my aunt and my uncle didn't feel like he could leave her because every time she seemed to be getting well, she would have a bad spell. (She is ok, they ruled out stroke and many more serious things. It seems to be migrain related)

Wednesday, I worked with 3 students, did more cooking for Nathan's B-day. His day kind of got lost in the shuffle of people to and from the hospital. He had a nice group of friends come over after dance class and help him eat his DQ cake and watch a movie. I finally got to go to the hospital to see my aunt, it was a nice visit. My sister went to the airport to get my cousin. Mom was not feeling well at all, she had a strong cough she couldn't shake and every movement made her nauseous.

Thursday, I worked with 4 students, we did lots and lots of MATH in the morning and played our role playing game in the afternoon. We also did quite a bit of cleaning. It was nice to have their help. Mom was hitting her worst day as far as feeling sick and weak goes. Dirk was also having a bad day. It was getting ready to storm and that pressure makes all his pain issues much worse.

When the storms came I lost a tree and lots of branches. The tree blocked our drive just as a new parent was coming for an entrance interview. Dirk went out in the storm to move it with the tractor, but it was too heavy for our little tractor. After fighting the tree and losing(with bruises and a couple deep scratches as battle wounds), he came in changed out of his ripped and soaked clothes and took some food up to the hospital for my aunt and uncle.

Friday, I had two students and all they wanted to do was rearrange the furniture again and cook. However, before that happened we did a math lesson. They are on the last few lessons of the Saxon Alg. I book and many of the concepts and formulas are proving to be a challenge for them.

My aunt was released from the hospital and made it to our house to see my mom! We had a nice brunch of quiche and fruit. It was a great visit, even if too short. My aunt was still a bit weak and my mom was better, but still tires fast. It was wonderful to see my cousin and my uncle as well. They are both funny and tell good stories.

And now it is Saturday, my challenge for the day is to pay too many bills with too little money and move more furniture around! It is a total transformation of the house, but I am liking the direction it is going. I also have to seriously investigate a leak. It looks like the downstairs toilet is leaking under the wall and into the adjoining room. I have also been thinking about the Sunday Scribble topic of 'wicked' and I plan on picking up a copy of Harry today to.

another personality test!

It was a fun test to take. I like the way it lets you use a sliding bar and even a grid format rather than multiple choice or yes-no answers. Here is what it said about me:

You are an Inventor

Your imagination, self-reliance, openness to new things, and appreciation for utility combine to make you an INVENTOR.

You have the confidence to make your visions into reality, and you are willing to consider many alternatives to get that done.

The full spectrum of possibilities in the world intrigues you—you're not limited by pre-conceived notions of how things should be.

Problem-solving is a specialty of yours, owing to your persistence, curiosity, and understanding of how things work.

Your vision allows you to identify what's missing from a given situation, and your creativity allows you to fill in the gaps.

Your awareness of how things function gives you the ability to come up with new uses for common objects.

It is more interesting for you to pursue excitement than it is to get caught up in a routine.

Although understanding details is not difficult for you, you specialize in seeing the bigger picture and don't get caught up in specifics.

You tend to more proactive than reactive—you don't just wait for things to come to you.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

Try applying your creativity to more artistic arenas, and letting your imagination take less practical forms.

how you relate to others

You are Considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

If you want to be different:

Because other people would benefit immensely from your understanding and insight, you should try to be more outgoing in social situations, even when they make you uncomfortable. Others will want to hear what you have to say!

Hair

Sunday Scribblings

Hair....

We don't realize how much of our identity, sexuality, and self-confidence is wraped up in our hair until it is gone. Maybe, it is because it is one feature we have some control over. Unlike our noses, we can decide how long our hair will be. Unlike our eyes, we can easily change the color of our hair. Unlike our weight, it seems easy to change the volume of our hair with curls or straight irons. It is how others identify us, "the girl with red hair, the man with the black curls." It is how we attract and maybe even keep our partners.

If you see a man with very long hair, he is making a social statement. A woman with really long hair is making a religious statement. A teen with a pink mohawk is making a personal statement. A young male with a shaved head is making a political statement. Why do people with straight hair spend so much on perms, while those with curls spend so much on straighteners. Are they trying to make a statement or have they bought into the "fashion industry's" line that none of us are good enough the way we were created? All the money spend, tears shed, and assumed misconceptions, just because of a few million cells coming from the tops of our heads. If none of us had hair, what yard stick would we use to size people up?

Our hair is often a connection to our family and our heritage. It can also be a painful reminder of not fitting into the family, like being the only wavy blonde in a family with straight black hair. People often think they can tell someone's race by the color and texture of hair. They think they can tell just about everything about us by our hair. The question it leaves me with is do we try on the "hair" because we want the stereotypes and fantasies that go with it to be associated with us, or are the stereotypes based on the personalities of the people who make the choices?


Make sure to read the other great posts on hair by clicking here, it seems this sparked lots of thoughts this week!

Saint Theresa's Prayer

Saint Theresa's Prayer


May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Slippery.....

I have been reading the wonderful thoughts of those who post their Sunday Scribblings for a few weeks now. Two very good online friends participate regularly. I am jumping in, with a 10 minute freewrite.

The topic this week "slippery."

When I think of the word "Slippery" these are the first things that come to mind: emotions, life, finances, relationships, memory, strength, health, ice, water.... it is strange to me that ice and water, the literal definitions were the last to come to mind. It is also strange that as soon as I started thinking in the concrete the thoughts stopped.

A slippery life can feel like it is just slipping through your fingers and the more you try and grab it the less of a hold you have. Life should be slippery and smooth, silky and sensual. To often it feels more like a wrestling an oiled pig, not very enjoyable at all and too much energy for too little reward.

A slippery, smooth, silky, sensual life would be one that was fully in the moment, alive, moving forward and enjoyed to the maximum. Really good ice cream, sun rays peeking through the clouds, a great wine, wonderful sex, amazing chocolate, playing with a baby, beautiful clothes, big beautiful flowers, feeling the Peace of God, and lots and lots of laughter. It would be a rich life, fully lived within a greater Community. The Peace would slip right through your fingers and into someone elses, as more and more continues to slip your way.

My 10 minutes is up...

Another Sunday Summary....

Monday: Went to visit Otter Creek as a location for Kayleigh's wedding. It inspired lots of field trips and programs for the kids too. When we got back Mom was home from chemo and doing ok. Dirk went to bed and woke up a couple hours later with very high blood pressure. Not good and a bit of a scare.

Tuesday: one student showed up, Dirk was still having trouble controlling his BP, but Mom was doing ok. She had to go in early to get a scan of her spine where they think the cancer might have spread. I went to get the meds for Dirk.

Wednesday: One different student showed up, Dirk is still not getting his BP under control and Mom is loosing handfuls of hair. Even when you know it is coming, it still takes a little to get used to. I did grill and watch 1776, but other than that it was a very uneventful day.

Thursday: Three students, Dirk still has high BP, but feeling better and pulse is much better. Mom is not having a good day.

Friday: WOW, this is the kind of day you might think back and laugh at in 20 years or so. Four Students all using the day as make-up. The day starts out just fine, boys are working in the yard, Dirk and Mom are doing well, and I am feeling like I am getting lots of planning done for the Fall Quarter. Then about mid-morning the boys decide it would be fun to drive Dirk's car up the drive way and back, our driveway is over a 1/4 of a mile long. Nathan had left the keys in it so that all of them could listen to the music while working outside, something else I don't allow! They are allowed to take out radios or personal music devices, but Nathan has been told before my cars are not personal stereos!Anyway Nathan went off in a different car to get the mail and the other boys 'chased' him in Dirk's car. Nathan has been given permission in the past to move the cars while he is working on them, but he has also been told not to do it while other students are on property. All plans I had for the rest of the day were put on hold while I dealt with these guys. Everything is worked out now, they have some stiff consequences to follow through on, but I think they matured quite a bit in just a couple hours. I know I age a few years in the same couple of hours :)

Then around 4pm I was told we would be having 12-15 people for dinner. Most of them teens, but also my BIL and FIL whom I really enjoy having. Problem was I had been planning on going to the store on Friday morning. We were out of everything. I made a quick dash up to Mejiers and got the food to fix a nice picnic cook-out. Even though it wasn't served until 7:30 it was a great meal! Chicken-kabobs, hamburgers, hotdogs, roasted corn, mushrooms-onions-peppers-fennel-kabobs, carrots, salad, with fresh watermelon and cantalope for dessert.

By 9:30 I dropped into bed!

Saturday: I slept in until 9am, got up took care of Mom and Dirk. Both were doing pretty well. I worked on curriculum, bills, and watched a few shows stored on the DVR. Then I got ready and went shopping. Dirk went with me. He wanted to start at Whole Foods since it is the only place in town to get the gluten free, wheat free type startches that we are trying to switch too and the bulk beans, nuts and rices we use. I don't like the part of town this Whole Foods is located in... it is in the very uppermiddle class, we shop here because it is the fashionable thing to do... part of town and just being in the same very crowded store with them make me uncomfortable! Then we go to Mejiers for much of the meat and frozen veggies that I get. I can't wait until we can join the grass-fed meat coop this fall! All shopping together took over 3 hours and cost about $600. The majority of the food will last 4-6 weeks with only trips to get fruit and veggies at the farmer's market the only extras. When you are feeding 5-6 people three meals a day, even if the food only lasts 4 weeks I still think we are doing pretty well.

Then Nathan who had cleaned the kitchen and done laundry while we were gone, ask us to take him to the movies when we got back and had dinner. So we went to see Evan Almightly. It was a cute film. I am glad we went because it might encourage filmmakers to make more like this one. I enjoyed it, but Dirk really loved it. I think he identified a lot with the main character.

Sunday: Finds me not at church yet again. Today it was just a matter of oversleeping. I had every intention of going when I went to bed last night, but I didn't even begin to wake up until 10:15am and to get to chuch I would have to leave by 10:30. Athena and Nathan left on time and I am glad they went. I had a couple very strange dreams that I can still remember vividly!

One: I was in an elevator and it was not only going down too fast, it was going down too far, and then it started getting smaller. No matter which buttons I pushed it wouldn't stop falling or shrinking.

Two: I was tutoring for an association that I tutored for a teen and young adult. I kept going into the different rooms and asking how I could help out and all I got were giggles and "no, your not needed here, go away"

Three: I was driving around looking for something and I kept falling alseep at the wheel. It was very spooky. I was lost, alone in the car, but trying to get somewhere important (don't know where) , but I couldn't stay awake.

I don't think you need to know much about dreams to know that my mind is trying to deal with the daily stress :)

Fair Schooling Choices.....

Here is a pretty balanced article on the recent Supreme Court Decision. And here is a blog post by Julie that wrestles with the decision. Julie asked me what I thought a fair plan would be.

First and foremost I think the choice of the parents should count the most. Students should be allowed to attend their first choice schools as long as there are openings. A way to really do this is to give the money the government 'assigns' each student to the parent to 'spend' how they see fit.

In an article I read recently the author said something like, "We all want safe, reliable sources of food, but we don't want the government running 90% of the restaurants, supermarkets, and farms. The same is should be true for schools, we want safe, reliable schools, but the government should not be in the business of education."

The one thing I have seen is that when parents and students choose their educational instruction they already have a greater investment in that program. Why can't all schools be privatized? Many things we rely on everyday are: food, internet, utilities, mass transit, garbage pick-up, prisions, etc.... These things are necessary for our daily lives and we don't need the government running them. Overseeing maybe, but not running. When people have to make choices and investments they choose more wisely and competition makes schools better.

That competition is one of the best things that has happened to Louisville schools. They had the great idea of putting the magnet schools, the best programs and many of the best teachers in the 'bad neighborhoods', but these excellent schools are going unattended because of skin-color rules. Neighborhood kids who want to attend can't because they are the wrong color and tip the balances. One and a half black kids can come for every white kid whose parents want to put them on a 2 hour bus ride each way. It is not fair to expect the white parent to put their 5-6 yr old on a bus for 4 hours out of their day! To deny the great education to the black child is also criminal.

Many parents are happier keeping their kids closer to home. I think this is be especially true at the elementary and middle school levels. By highschool, kids and parents are willing to travel farther for the specific program they want. Parents who live near the school, who have been allowed to choose the school and who feel invested in the school will be an asset to the school. They will be involved and hand-ons and supportive of the teachers and programs. This benefits everyone.

When the school is far away and the parents feel 'put there', resentment builds up. They don't feel invested in the program or the staff. And they are more likely to see 'the school' as an intrusion into their lives instead of a partner in the educational life of the family. The parents and the kids make 'the school' the scapegoat for everything wrong in their lives.

When schools fill-up hard choices need to be made. Here I think I would be interview the parents and the students to see why this is their first choice school. I would choose the family that matches the program the best and when there was a tie, I would do a random drawing or lottery style approach. I would also try very hard to help the students who didn't get in to find a program that matches their needs instead of just telling them no. If there were enough parents I would help them form another school program like the one that was full.

So, a fair system to me would be one that respected parental choice as much as possible. A system that builds communities and involves extended families in positive ways. And a system that respects the needs of the children.

Five cool things about Jesus....

Matt was tagged then asked others what they thought.

Here are my five:

1) Jesus used stories and parables to teach deeper Truths. He asked us to use our imaginations and empathy to "get the point."

2) Every major revelation about the nature of Jesus was made by a woman. Mary his mother, Anna on his presentation to the temple, the woman at the well, Martha, Mary of Bethany, Mary Magdelene, the bleeding woman who touched his robes.....the list could go on.

3) Jesus is all about the Spirit of the Law and how it connects us to God and one another. The Law as a tool for us to use, but not be enslaved to.

4) Jesus' choice of friends and companions. He must have laughed and loved everyday. He was all about building strong communities that saw and cared for the 'fringes.'

5) The way Jesus called the children to him. I think he knew they would understand before the adults did.

If you post your 5 cool things about Jesus, leave me a note so I can go read them :)

"bad media" email

The following is an email I just recieved. I posted it only after I tried every avenue I knew to see if it was false. I found many stats to prove it true, and nothing to prove it false. It makes for some interesting reading, but I am not sure it changes any of my personal opinions.

Eye Opener

Since the start of the war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan , the sacrifice has been enormous. In the time period from the invasion of Iraq in March 2003 through now, we have lost a total of 3,140 soldiers. As tragic as the loss of any soldier is, consider: below is a list of deaths of soldiers while actively serving in the armed forces from 1980 through 2004:

FIGURES ARE CONFIRMED ON DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE SITE
1980 2,392

1981 2,380

1982 2,319

1983 2,465

1984 1,999

1985 2,252

1986 1,984

1987 1,983

1988 1,819

1989 1,636

1990 1,507

1991 1,787

1992 1,293

1993 1,213

1994 1,075

1995 1,040

1996 974

1997 817

1998 827

1999 796

2000 758

2001 891

2002 999

2003 1,410 534*

2004 1,887 900*

2005 919*

2006 920*

* Figures are Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom fatalities only

Does this really mean that the loss from the two current conflicts in the Middle East are LESS than the loss of military personnel during Clinton's presidency? Were we at war?

Now, are you confused when you look at these figures? I was. Especially when I saw that in 1980, during the reign of President "Nobel Peace Prize" Carter himself, there were 2,392 military fatalities of U.S. soldiers.

What this clearly indicates to me is that our media and our politicians pick and choose. They choose NOT to present all the facts.

Another fact our media and politicians frequently slant is that these brave men and women losing their lives are minorities. The latest census shows the following:

European descent (white) 69.12%
Hispanic 12.5%
African American 12.3%
Asian 3.7%
Native American 1.0%
Other 2.6%

Now, the fatalities over the past three years in Iraqi Freedom are:
European descent (white) 74.31%
Hispanic 10.74%
African American 9.67%
Asian 1.81%
Native American 1.09%
Other 2.33%

Is it Sunday again!?!

Time is going by so fast that I really think doing a summary on Sunday is going to be helpful for a while.

Monday, bills and scouting wedding locations. Mom had her second chemo treatment and all seemed well.

Tuesday, combined wedding scouting with modern art gallery gazing. It was interesting to see the modern art, but it was even more interesting to talk to the boys about their impressions.

Wednesday, history reports in the morning, golf driving range in the afternoon, So You Think You Can Dance in the evening! Pretty good day.

Thursday, reports on the physics of golf in the morning, played a D&D styled role playing game in the afternoon (first time in years), SYTYCD in the evening. Off and on through the day I was compling the articles for the Newsletter, which will be late this month or maybe even combined July/August.

Friday, first thing in the morning my sister called to tell me our father was in the hospital with stomach issues. Not good since he had knee replacement surgery on Monday. The thought that putting him under might have caused his bowels to stop working properly. Then Dirk and I drove all over the area (put 100 mi on the car) doing more wedding location scouting. When I got home, We picked up dinner from Panera with some gift certificates that we had had for a couple years :) Nathan was back from camp and wanted to be taken to a friend's house for a couple hours. So, more driving. Since I was out I stopped by the store for fruit and meat to hold us over until I could really go shopping on Sunday, so I thought.

Saturday, I slept the whole day away. I did nothing and didn't feel like doing anything at all! However, the Nathan work so hard all day on the housework, deep cleaning the library and the laundry rooms that when he asked to go to the movies I didn't have the heart to tell him no. He even made dinner after I said yes! He made an amazing baked cod with lemon and dill. I drug butt out of bed and went to see Live Free or Die Hard. It was a great rollercoaster ride of a movie. No literary value, just fun and funny. I did not regret my choice to go! When we got home I checked my blood pressure with Dirk's little wrist machine.... not too good. I am used to my BP being 115 over 65 or very close. It was 145 over 95 the first time and then after resting it only went down to 125 over 85. Maybe this sluggishness that I can't seem to shake has something to so with BP and blood sugars..which are also too high!

Sunday, woke up feeling great, made breakfast for everyone, but by the time I should have been taking my shower I was ready for bed again. I called to check on my dad, he is fine. Mom is doing very well this week!! I just can't seem to 'wake-up'. I was checking up on the blogs I read and feel sad that I don't have the energy to comment. I was checking up on the forum I visit and again, the energy to compose a coherent thought that was on topic wasn't there.

I am off to take a nap and hopefully get the energy I need to do the stuff I HAVE to get done today.

Dirk's song

Edited per Chris' request.
If I have done this right you will see a video that a friend of Dirk's put together. The friend, Chris, wrote the lyrics on 911 and Dirk wrote the music at a later date. It is Dirk singing the song. Chris took a copy of the song a few days ago and put pictures to it. I think it has some touching moments, but some parts seem kind of random to me.

Let me know what you think.

My week....

Here is yet another Sunday morning that finds me at home instead of at church. I keep asking myself, "why?" But I really can't answer very well. The thought of facing people this morning seems too draining. It has been a rough week.

Last Sunday was Father's Day and I woke up sick, but was better by 1pm when I went to my father's house for a while. Then, I just came home and slept.

Monday, Mom had her first chemo treatment in the morning. She will have them three Mondays in a row then be off a Monday, then three more then off and so on until late August. I know I did something, but I can't even remember the rest of the day!

Tuesday, I had 4 students. We worked on math, script writing, GED preparation (Nathan), literature. history, geography and music(with Dirk). I also helped a former student compile a transcript and resume. Mom was doing ok, but needed some care. After another low energy day I figured out I was forgetting to take my vitamins because I wasn't eating at the same time or in the same place each day.

Wednesday, 5 students showed up, they worked mostly on their own or with Dirk because I was with Mom, she was having a really, really bad day. I was supposed to go to a meeting about mission trips, but didn't have the energy. I did, however, listen to a teleconference on this weight loss program called Take Shape For Life. It is the 'pre-surgery' program a lot of bariatic dr. use. Many people lose 25-35 lbs a week on it without surgery or to get ready for surgery. I am seriously considering it. But even after talking with a dr. he thinks because of my PCOS I will only lose 5-8 lbs a month for the first 6 months, but he thinks the weight loss with speed up after that because my body's chemistry would be closer to normal. Could I go on a liquid diet for 18 months to 2 years? I don't know.....

Thursday, 4 students again. They had to take math tests which they assured me they were ready to take. This particular group has a history of carelessness so before the test I made a list of consequences with them. No mistakes 30 min. of extra freetime! One mistake 15 min. extra freetime. Two mistakes no consequence, three do the dishes, four vacuum the house, ect....until 10 mistakes out of 20 problems and they would have to clean the goat pen. They were happy with the list full of confidence that they would do well. Two did, each of them missed two or less. The other two, however, didn't. One missed 8 and had to do 45 min. of yard work, the other missed the 10 and had to clean the goat pen. I was very proud of her because she didn't finish before being picked up so she made arrangements to come back on Saturday to finish. The other young lady did her job, but grumbled and fussed the WHOLE time! When we went over the test, both girls missed simple adding, division, and signed number problems that they have been doing for years. Both had some confusion on one or two of the problems, but neither should have missed more than two and both said they learned a valuable lesson about carelessness.

Then, just as I finish with them a landscaper comes to give me a bid on the property. I really have little to no money, but I figure if I am going to come up with the money for Kayleigh's wedding maybe it would be nice to see some of that go into home improvements. Well, he is here talking to me for over 3 hours about the property and while he is here an other landscaper who was supposed to meet me that morning shows up (5 hours late). He gets mad at me when I ask him to wait a few minutes while I finish up with this guy and can talk to him. Well, this second guy writes some numbers on a piece of paper and puts it in the mailbox. Guy one thinks he can make a real difference in the yard and save some of the wildlife habitats for 5000 a year over 2-3 years. Guy two's numbers START at 70,000 and go up!

Thursday is also Mom's worst day. Luckily, my sister and Dirk were also here so that we could keep talking to doctors and running to the pharmacy. It was a rough day on all of us.

Finally it was Friday, Mom had a much better day! And I had no students. I did have a meeting with the financial lady. It was a good meeting, but the bottom line is I don't charge enough tution and I also need to branch out into other avenues for generating income from The Center. Dirk finally heard that we have GOT to have a good soild webpage for The Center were we can sell my lesson plans, have long distant literature classes, attract other students or even workshops for parents. So, the webpage I have been begging for, for seven years now may actually happen in the next week or two!

I also snuck another 'cheap date in.' Financial lady's office is next door to a Graeter's Ice Cream shop and we had gift certificates. So, I had a scoop of butter pecan while Dirk had a hot fudge sundae in a waffle bowl. We sat and just talked while we ate our ice cream. It was a nice break after the meeting.

When we got back I had to work on the bills( yuck) and sat with Mom for awhile.

Yesterday, got up late. Then MaryRose (my 'other daughter') came over, she lives in Lexington now and so it is hard to see her too. We were doing research online for Kayleigh's wedding and then we went out and did some 'scouting' of locations. In someways I think we are closer to a location, but in other ways I think we are farther. I will be happy when this decision is made once and for all!!!!

Mom had a good day, she was weak, but didn't need any fever, pain, or nausea meds.

I took Nathan and his 'girlfriend' to a Catholic Picnic that was happening even though it was storming off and on all night. When we got home and I walked into my room to go to bed (around midnight) there was the strangest smell. It smelled like glue and it was so strong my eyes were watering and Dirk was asleep in the room. When I told him to get up he didn't smell it. When I made him leave the room and come back he could then smell it. The smell was no where else in the house. The room had smelled fine when he went to bed at 11. We never did figure it out, but we turned off the window air conditioner and opened the house and turned on the house fan and this morning the smell was gone.

So here I am, after getting to sleep around 3 am on the couch, I got up this morning around 8:30 made breakfast, checked on Mom, read the blogs on my RSS and started processing the week. I had/have no energy to go to church this morning. I am still haven't had a shower yet today and it is almost noon!

It is going to be a hard week coming up too. Nathan, Athena and two of my other students leave for camp and will be gone 10 days. Nathan has been the hugest help lately. He has taken care of the animals, taken over the professional housekeeping job, and done quite a bit of the yard work. Athena, has been so busy with Ladybirds and college preparations, I just see her in few minute spurts. One of the other students who is going with them is also a huge help to me in the daily chores and up of the house. Maybe I should just go to camp too :)

Today, I will layout on paper what I want the webpage to look like and features I would like included. I will set up a template for my cooking lesson plans. I will finish paying June's bills. I will begin compiling the student work for the July Newletter. I will bake a batch of millet scone with raisons and walnuts (the only combination good for all blood types). And I will take at least one picture for my 365 blog! It has been off track log enough!!!

How nerdy are you!

I took this before, but now I have a place to put it :)

I was REALLY shocked the first time I scored about a 90%! I seriously thought I would be no higher than a 50-60%.

If you too take the quiz, let me know your score.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I learned about food this week!

1) Eating for your blood type makes a lot of sense!

2) Cooking for three different blood types is almost impossible!

3) Dirk, type O, should eat a very high protein diet with lots of red meat, no potatoes, and few grains.

4) Mom, type A, should eat a very high fish, fowl and veggie diet with no red meat or dairy at all.

5) Me, type AB, should eat a somewhat balanced diet with lots of fruit, some grains and a little meat, but no chicken only turkey.

6) Fondant flowers are harder to make than they look on tv. However, rolling fondant very thin and putting it on the cake is easier than it looks.

7) Fondant belongs to NO food group on earth, and no one can convience me it is edible!

8) Turkeys that you can defrost in the sink during the winter, go bad when defrosted overnight in the sink in the summer. A bad turkey smells awful!

9) Old fashioned recipes don't give cooking times or temperatures and so experimentation is an important tool! By the way a 'moderately hot' oven is about 375 degrees.

10) If you cut four melons in the morning, and put them in the fridge for the 'next couple of days' they will be gone by lunch time. Same thing goes for medium sized watermelons.

11) We go through 3-4 pounds of butter a week! And it is a no-no for type O and A!

12) Red snapper and Cod are beneficial for all blood types, they happen to be the only two proteins that are.

13) This little slide show on What the World Eats has really made me think long and hard about what my family eats in a week!

"Dance mom/aunt" mode

Sunday was a fundraiser day for the dance teams. We were part of a community park fair.

Nathan, the only one of mine left on the studio dance team, danced in the sun on the playground.

I painted 25-30 little faces, during my 3 1/2 shift. Most were cat faces, butterflies, rainbows and smiley faces, however a few of the stranger requests were: a ferret, a lighten bolt with flames, a green spider with yellow spots, the word cool, and big lips like a kiss on the cheek.

While I was in the sun, the other parents were in the shade selling food. I didn't realize that I was getting pretty crisp. One of the moms kept asking me if I wanted to come into the shade, but I thought I was okay. Well, I am not. I need to remember I get sun poisining quickly. While the burn hurts a little it is my body detoxing from the excess sun that is really unpleasant today.

Then the kids danced a second show. This is Nathan's solo dance. I think I might have to get a newspaper, because the CJ photographer was asking me for his full name, age and dance studio. He was very impressed with Nathan. Personally, I think it is just the novelity of a boy dancer, the girls were better and took it more seriously yesterday. Usually, he is one of the better dancers, but NOT yesterday.

Now, today I am off with Dirk to take picture of two possible wedding locations in New Albany.

What I think Kayleigh wants.

From what she has described over the phone, this is close to what I think she wants.

This took my breath away

Goal number 5 of "get a life"

So we get to the outdoor theatre a little early because Dirk wanted to see the pre-show which turned out to be a bunch of middle school girls singing and dancing. They were okay, but we have seen much better. A couple of the girls had really strong voices.
This is the set for Little Shop of Horrors. It was the best part of the production. The set designer did a great job with the over all look and function of the stage. Many parts of the set spun around for easy change of scene without stopping the action on stage. That part was just about seamless.
There were storms earlier in the day, the sky was strange, but beautiful colors (this picture doesn't do it justice) . We were hoping any more rain would hold off, and it did. The night was a bit muggy, but nice.
Dirk got an ice cream for us to share, problem was I don't like cookies 'n cream. So, he threw himself upon it, sparing me from eating something I didn't like :)
During intermission the Belle of Louisville passed by all lit up. It was really pretty. I still get excited when I see that old paddle wheel on the river. It reminds me of all the steamboat races my family attended when I was younger, then my best friend in high school played the calliope for the Belle for 8 or 9 years and he took me on her with him quite often, and I used to take Kayleigh and Athena for afternoon cruises when they were very young (pre-Nathan days).

The play itself is nothing to write about. It was community theatre. It had very spotty performances, one or two more consistant performers, and one real stand out (the voice of Audry II). Most people were about 35-30 years too old for their part, but then they had many teens and young adults playing the 'older' extras.

It was a nice night out of the house and into the community. We saw many people Dirk and Kayleigh have been shows with. And I got to people watch, which is one of my favorite pastimes.

So Who Was He.....

I like this bio.

And I like this from that bio....

Religion, he argued, was not a philosophy, nor abstract metaphysical thought, nor natural science, nor adherence to dogmatic formulae, but the "sense and taste for the infinite" consisting primarily in feeling; belief and action are secondary.

I agree in someways because I do act and believe often out of 'feelings of the infinite'. However, just as often I act when I don't feel, and then the feelings rush in later.


Knowledge of the soul and knowledge of God are inseparable�a concept that had been presented more than 1000 years earlier by St. Augustine.

Yes, I have always agreed with this statement. It was one of the ideas that made me fall in love with Augustine.

Schleiermacher's careful analysis of religious feelings always has in view, at least by implication, the infinite and eternal reality to which these feelings are responses.

God is real, and it is that reality I am responding to and feelings are the best way to describe it. I think that is what that means, if so, I agree..

...he held that it is always in and through one's experience of the whole interconnecting realm of the finite that there comes a sense of dependence upon the infinite ground of all things.

I like this statement a lot. The interconnecting realm of the finite is grounded upon the infinite. EVERYTHING to me is interwoven and connected, nothing can be teased or separated out for long.

Before taking this quiz, all I knew about Friedrich Schleiermacher was that he was part of the German Reformation. I never knew we had so much in common :) If I had just seen the list of names I would have picked Anselm or Augustine as close to my Theology on the important points.

Thanks Susanne for the quiz!

Hmm......

Which theologian are you?

You scored as a Friedrich Schleiermacher

You seek to make inner feeling and awareness of God the centre of your theology, which is the foundation of liberalism. Unfortunately, atheists are quick to accuse you of simply projecting humanity onto 'God' and liberalism never really recovers.

Friedrich Schleiermacher 73% Jürgen Moltmann 67% Anselm 60% Martin Luther 53% Paul Tillich 47% Charles Finney 40% Karl Barth 40% John Calvin 33% Jonathan Edwards 27% Augustine 20%

I really didn't expect that answer, but I see that the top three are not too far apart.