Envy (Latin, invidia)

Envy is characterized by an insatiable desire, those who commit the sin of Envy desire something that someone else has which they perceive themselves as lacking. Dante defined this as "love of one's own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs." In Dante's Purgatory, the punishment for the envious is to have their eyes sewn shut with wire, because they have gained sinful pleasure from seeing others brought low.

I have had to think long and hard about this one. I am not a very envious person. I have little jealousies here and there where I would like something like what someone else has or a skill like theirs, but it would never cross my mind to deprive them of it. When I searched my soul deeply, I did find envy there though in three cases...two are in the photo....

Models with flat stomachs, are my first occassional envy. I picture them with my stomach and me with theirs. It made me realize that I did objectify them and want them brought low. Not a side of myself that I liked looking at. Lottery winners are the other group that I envy. I hear all the stories of them winning and then wasting it all, ending up in worse financial shape than they started in. I want to win the lottery because I have such wonderful plans that would change so many lives, that I want it instead of the 'dumb' people who win. What's really funny about this one is that I only buy one dollar ticket every couple of weeks, so it is not like this is something I spend a lot of energy on, but it was still there...wanting to bring them down for my profit.

My sister is the only actual person on the face of the planet I have truly envied. She is beautiful and always has been. She was the pretty child that everyone adored, while I was ignored. Growing up she was athletic, talented musically, and got great grades, while I failed year after year, and had no talent, athletically or musically. She was fertile, while I cried myself to sleep wanting to have more children. Banks gave her money to buy houses, way before Dirk or I could swing it. She has always had a great job she loved making lots of money, while until recently I felt like all I did was struggled to pay bills and educate the kids. I spent lots of time focusing on what she had that I didn't have. I really wasted too much time wishing I was her.

I can honestly say now though, things have evened out. I no longer wish I was her or wish I had what she has. I am happy for her, healthy sibling jealous sometimes shows up, but I am so much happier with who I am now, that I don't need to wish for anyone else's life.